Skip to main content

Posts

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples - Rule #5

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm providing a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. During the first week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-1.html During the second week, I shared Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-2.html During the third week, I shared Rule

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples - Rule #4

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm going to provide a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. During the first week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-1.html During the second week, I shared Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-2.html And last week, I shared Rule

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples - Rule #3

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm going to provide a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. During the first week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-1.html Last week, I shared Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-2.html In this week's post, I am sharing Rule

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples - Rule #2

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm going to provide a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. Last week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. This week, I'm sharing Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. You've heard it before, or probably even said it..."You made me feel..." or "You always/never..." It's pretty common to take out your anger by directing it toward your spouse. But, as you can probably imagine, approaching things that way usually immediately puts yo

Fair Fighting Rules for Couples - Rule #1

As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm going to provide a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. Rule #1 -  Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. Are you truly angry because your partner left their dishes on the kitchen counter, dirty socks on the bedroom floor, or trash overflowing...again?  Those probably aren't the real reason you're upset, frustrated or angry. Those are just the icing on the cake. Those are just signs of a deeper problem. Or are you really upset because you feel like you’re doing an uneven share of the housework, and this is just one more piece of evidence?  Before you lash

Relational Equity

Relational Equity is the equivalent of money in the bank.  In a relationship, we build up equity with affirmation, kindness, love, support, encouragement, honesty, and vulnerability.  We need to deposit more than we withdraw.  However, by building up enough relational equity, it makes space for the hard truths and difficult conversations.  If we have enough relational "money in the bank", then there is grace for real talk, honest conversations.  It's important to always be mindful of our relational account balances with our spouse/partner, so we know when and if we can make a withdrawal or if we need to make more deposits.  It's always wise to make sure there's never a negative balance. If you'd like more direct and personal help with improving communication or harmony in your relationships, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com . I provide online couples and individual counseling throughout California

Couples Counseling

 Should We Get Couples Counseling? One of the most common things I hear from people who are seeking couples' counseling is  "We have communication issues."   Well what does that mean?   For most people, it means that they haven't learned how to communicate in a way in which the other person can truly hear them.  It also means they haven't learned how to listen to understand instead of listening to respond.  There's a big difference! Most of us, when in a difficult conversation or argument, immediately get defensive.   It's a normal human response.  But it's not a healthy response.  And it's one of the main things that causes "communication issues" with couples. So what do you do to fix it? There are several strategies you can try: 1)  Reflective Listening 2)  Time Outs 3) Over-Communicating Reflective Listening   is allowing your partner to share what's on their mind, what's bothering them, without interruption.  It is truly liste