This Therapist's Therapy

  Work/Life Balance  How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship We hear the phrase Work/Life Balance all the time, it seems like.  But do you really know what it means or how to achieve it?  Most of us struggle to find the answer to this question. But there are a few factors that can help: Communication  Priorities Boundaries Communication As with most stuations in a relationship, the first step toward finding balance is communication.  Both  people in the relationship must communicate their wants and needs with each other, so that they can make decisions that work for both of them.  One partner may feel it's important to have time together each evening, to talk and reconnect at the end of the day.  This may be the way that they feel loved and cared for.  Another person may need a few minutes alone when they first get home, so they can unwind and disconnect from work before engaging in family life.  Or both people may agree that they each need some individual time each evening.  Or it

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 5 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about going to Couples Counseling When Things Aren't Working This is the most common reason why most couples go to therapy.  They seek help when things have gotten so bad, they aren't sure there's a way out.  Couples Counseling at this point is often a last ditch effort.  And it's also this level that causes people NOT to want to go to Couples Counseling...they hear all the horror stories. Let me preface this by saying that this level of counseli

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 4 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about Stage of Life Couples Counseling. As I was thinking about this blog post, my first thought was about the transition to Empty Nest.  But the more I thought about it, I realized there are several possible transition points in a marriage or long term relationship. So, I'll break it down into sub-stages.   Casual Dating to Living Together The first stage is the transition from casual dating to living together.  This stage may happen at different times for

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 3 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about Marriage/Couples Counseling. For many people, after being together or married for some time, things start to fall into habits and patterns.  And we don't always notice right away because, let's face it, life gets busy.  There's work, kids, activities and everything in between, and then suddenly you realize that you and your spouse/partner aren't really spending time together or aren't really talking.  Maybe your intimacy has decreased. 

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 2 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest) 5)  When Things Aren't Working Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email. So, let's move on to the second level of couples' counseling... Pre-Marital Counseling There are several reasons why couples opt to participate in pre-marital counseling. 1)  It's required by their church/religion 2)  They want to make sure they'

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 1 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest) 5)  When Things Aren't Working Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email. So, let's get started... Dating Relationships Some of you may not be ready for marriage just yet, but you're on dating sites, you're checking out the options, and having fun.  That doesn't mean that you shouldn't invest in efforts to improve

  Couples Communication Tip #5 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  This is the last tip in this series of Couples Communication Tips. Today's tip is about Oversharing .  This is about being direct and communicating with your partner about what you need. You've heard it before, that your partner can't read your mind.  Well, unfortunately, no matter how long you've been together, your partner cannot read your mind . In order to avoid some arguments, fights, and miscommunications, you need to overshare. Tell your partner exactly what you need or expect Wives, your husband doesn't automatically know you'd love for him to wash the dishes in the sink, or take out the trash when it's full.  Husbands, you wive doesn't automatically know that you'd like 30 to relax when you get home from work, just to unwind, before engaging with her and the kids.   Trust me, I've been a victim of this way of thinkin

  Communication Tips for Couples #4 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some basic communication tips for couples.   Today's tip is about "I" Statements.  This can be a very effective communication strategy, because it doesn't put the other person immediately on the defensive.  And, in fact, it allows them to better understand the direct impact their words and actions have on their partner. "I" Statements go hand in hand with Reflective Listening , as we discussed last week.  In fact, it should be a common statement used in Reflective Listening.   The format of "I" Statements is: "I feel______when you______because_____ ." In the first blank, you insert how you feel, such as sad, worried, angry. You are identifying your feeling, without it feeling like blame. You are taking ownership and responsibility of your own feelings. For example,

  Couples Communication Tip #3 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some basic communication tips for couples.   Today's tip is about Reflective Listening.  I mentioned this at the end of Tip #2 .  This is one of the most effective communication strategies, not only in relationships, but anywhere that communication get jammed up. I'm not going to lie, Reflective Listening takes practice AND takes intentionality, but when you use it, it can actually make a world of difference. Here are the 5 Steps to Reflective Listening : 1)  Listen to Hear Typically when we're in a discussion with someone and they're talking, expressing their point, we are already thinking of what we want to say next or how we're going to dispute their point.  We're not listening to truly hear what the other person has to say.  In this first step, we need to actually stop and listen.  Hear what y

 Communication Tips for Couples #2 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some basic communication tips for couples.   Today's tip is about the Time Out.  Time Outs aren't just for kids! When you and your partner are arguing and it feels like things are getting too heated, it isn't always the best idea to keep trying to resolve the issue or come to a conclusion.  Sometimes continuing the conversation does more harm than good. I recommend that, when the two of you are in a good space, that you come up with some agreements around taking a Time Out.  A Time Out is a specified period of time in which each of you disengage from the arguement or discussion, physically separate from each other, and take some time to think and cool down.  This allows each of you time time to cool down, consider your partner's position, gather your thoughts, and be prepared to come back to the discu