This Therapist's Therapy

  Conflict Resolution for Couples Focus on the Problem, Not the Person When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, yelling, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive.  Be careful to focus only on the problem, without beginning to place blame on your partner.  If a disagreement becomes personal, you need to take a pause. Use Reflective Listening Frequently during arguments, we focus on getting our own point acress, rather than listening to our partner.  In fact, this happens in many conversations, in general.  Instead, listen to hear and understand your partner.  And then, before responding with your own thoughts,  restate what they have said to you, in your own words.  Then allow your partner to say whether you got the jist of what they were saying, and if not, they can rephrase it.  Continue this process until your partner agrees that you understand. Next, share your side.  Your partner should reflect back your ideas in their own words until they too

  Empty Nest - Now What? Your children are all grown and have moved out and are moving on with their own lives.  The constant influx of people in the house or at the dinner table has disappeared.  The hustle and bustle has died down.  And now you're left with just the two of you. Now it's time to rediscover yourselves as individuals, and maybe even more importantly, as a married couple.  The last several decades or more have been devoted to rearing your children and launching them into adulthood.  But now you find yourself with extra time and maybe extra energy on your hands. Leisure Time Maybe now that all the children's activities and obligations have gone, you find yourself with a lot of extra time.  Instead of dwelling on the absence of your children, focus on things you can now do with that time.  Take a nap.  Read a book.  Learn to cook or bake.  Sign up for some local classes or groups.  Or maybe you need something more practical.  You can do something productive lik

  Tax Time Well, it's that time of year where we start thinking about, or for some of us, worrying about our taxes. We gather all our receipts, W-2's, and spend maybe hours sorting through stuff, inputting numbers into a spreadsheet or tax filing program.  Or maybe we take a box of paperwork to our CPA and wish them the best. But for most people, the months of December through April are stressful, because financial stressors often come to the forecront.  As a Couples Counselor, I recognize that money matters can have a significant impact on the marriage.  In fact, it is one of the most common things that cause marital arguements.  So, how do you manage the tax season with your spouse? Here are some valuable tips to help you and your spouse manage the stress of tax season and maintain a healthy connection. Open Communication     You know, I feel like I write about communication all the time in these posts, and while I don't want to be redundant, communication is probably the

  Shared Child Custody During the Holidays The holidays are supposed to be a fun, festive, and happy time of year.  Children especially look forward to Christmas with all the activities, food and toys.  And, from my perspective, Christmas should be a magical experience for children. However, for families navigating through the complexities of shared custody, it often ends up being a time of sadness, stress, and emotional challenges.  As a Marriage & Family Therapist, and in my many years working in the publich child welfare system, I've witnessed many of the unique dynamics and feelings that come into play during the  holidays. Understanding the Impact Shared custody arrangements require a delicate balance on a normal balance, and moreso during the holidays.  Pehaps this is your first year of share custody and you're not sure how to best manage the holiday season.  There is a need for effective communication and cooperation between the parents. This is where is gets tough,

  Navigating the Seas of Togetherness:  A Therapist's Guide to Vacationing Vacations are a great opportunity for couples to create lasting memories, strengthen their bond, and escape the routine of everyday life.  However, the journey from depautre to return can sometimes be challenging.  As a couples' counselor, I've witnessed common pitfalls and successes. Below are some tips to help couples navigate the seas of togetherness during their vacations Communication is Key As with most things involving couples, open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.  Prior to going on vacation, a couple should discuss the location and type of vacation they'd like to have.  This may means that each person shares a few location ideas and together, they discuss the pros and cons of each, until they agree.  This may also mean discussing whether the vacation will be a leisurely, relaxing trip, or one full of scheduled activities and tours, or hikes of local

  Money Matters:  Debt & Finances in Marriage The topic of finances often weaves its way through the delicate balance of love, commitment, and shared goals.  In working with couples over the years, one of the topics that almost always inevitably comes up is finances.  One person feels the other one is spending too much money.  One person is trying hard to pay down debt.  This topic can have a profound impact on marital harmony. In this blog post, I'll explore the challenges that many couples face and provide some guidance on navigating these difficult discussions. The Importance of Open Communication Open, honest, and transparent communication is the cornerstone of a strong, lasting marriage, especially when it comes to financial matters.  From the very start of their relationship, a couples should begin talking about finances.  This will make it a normal and comfortable topic to begin with, so it isn't as difficult to discuss later.  As a relationship progresses and become

Navigating Black Friday:  A Therapist's Perspective Black Friday is just a few short days away.  Many of you have probably already planned out your early morning shopping route and which bargains you're going to chase.   And while Black Friday can be fun and we can find lots of great deals, I encourage families to approach Black Friday mindfully to ensure that the pursuit of bargains doesn't overshadow the importance of family connection and well-being.  And that can be well-being as far as physical, mental, or financial health.   Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is the foundations of any healthy relationships.   Before diving into the madness of Black Friday and getting caught up in the craziness of the crowds, have a family discussion about expectations,, budget consraints, and priorities.  By doing this ahead of time, you will preent conflicts, melt downs, or disappointments later while you're out.  Being out on Black Friday is already stressful, s

  Thanksgiving 2023: Nurturing Gratitude & Connection As I write this, we are just a few days away from Thanksgiving.  And it's always an opportune time to reflect on the importance of gratitude and connection with our families and friends.  As a Marriage & Family Therapist, I have seen first hand, the transformational power of fostering a sense of gratitude.  Gratittude helps our minds remain more positive. And, personally, my word for this year has been Friendship, which has caused me to think more about my own connections with family and friends. In this blog post, I'll share some insights and practical tips to help families develop a spirit of thankfulness during this holiday season, and throughout the year. Acknowledge the Journey Thanksgiving often marks a time of reflection.  It causes us to think about what we have and how we are blessed.  During your Thanksgiving celebration with your family, try acknowledging your collective journey throughout the year.  Refle

  In-Laws Are Part of the Package     As a Marriage & Family Therapist, I often find myself guiding couples through the intricacies of relationships, especially with their in-laws and their spouses' extended family.  When in the initial stages of dating, it's easy to forget that marriage is not just a union of two people, it's the merger of two families, traditions, and histories.  In-laws, like it ot not, are an integral part of the package when you say, "I do".     For many couples, the mention of in-laws can create a range of emotions from joy to anxiety.  Understanding that each partner brings a unique set of family dynamics into the marriage is crucial.  It's not merely about two people coming together, it's about two families becoming interconnected. Embracing the Blend     Succesfully integrating in-laws into your married life involves a delicate balance.  It's important to acknowledge the importance of your spouse's family and be open t

  Blended Families:  How to Have a Brady Bunch Family I recently asked my Facebook friends for blog post topic ideas.  And I'm not going to lie, when I saw this topic, I was hesitant.  I mean, who am I to say anything about having a successfuly blended family?  So, as I write this, I am being vulnerable and open.  But also know that I would LOVE to hear your stories about blended families, so please feel free to leave a comment. So, I was married for a little over 12 years and have two children from that marriage.  When my children were little and they talked about some of their friends who had single parents, I would remind them how lucky they were to have a mommy and a daddy at home.  Little did I know that wouldn't always be the case.   Yes, I am divorced.  I'm sorry if that comes as a surprise to you or if it makes you uncomfortable. As a Marriage & Family Therapist, I used to feel ashamed that I was divorced and constantly asked myself how I could be an effective m