This Therapist's Therapy

  Modern Marital Roles:  A Blueprint for Mantaining Tradition & Equality in Today's Relationships We all have different ideas of what our roles and expectations should be in a relationship or marriage.  Sometimes we have the same ideas as our spouse and other times, we're on separate pages in separate books.  Either way, having designated roles is helpful for the smooth running of a household.  And these roles should be discussed and established early in the relationship, but can be adjusted over time, to fit the changing needs of the family.  These roles can include anything from Provider/Breadwinner to who does the laundry and will likely never be completely the same from couple to couple. I think it's important to develop marital roles based on each person's strength, but taking into account the couples' desire to lean toward more traditional roles or not. Below we will discuss some of the roles in a marriage: Provider Traditionally, this role invoves being t

  I've Been Absent For a While. So, you may have noticed that there haven't been any new blog posts in quite a while, like months.   I apologize for that.  Every now and then, life gets in the way.  But, I wanted to give everyone an update on what's been going on and what to expect going forward. Retirement For the past 25 years, I have worked in the field of public Child Welfare.  Or more commonly known as Child Protective Services.  This was a very rewarding job in many ways and something I hope to maintain a connection to in a different capacity over time. However, since 2018, I have maintained and grown my side hustle of a small, part time private therapy practice, working several evenings a week and sometimes on Saturdays.  Private practice therapy has been my dream and calling since the 8th grade.  It energizes me and gives me fulfillment like nothing else. So, after a lot of thought and prayer, discussions with my husband, and some number crunching and decided to mak

  Redefining Infidelity When talking about relationships or marriages, few topcis ae as emotionally charged as infidelity.   Yet, it's a topic that can have such a wide range of definitions, depending on who's involved. As a Couples Counselor, I've seen too many times, the firsthand devastation caused by one or both partners having an affair.  It brings up tons of questions that the person who was cheated on, wants answers to, yet doesn't want to hear, at the same time.  And it brings up questions about the pereceived worth of the person who was cheated on.  And it shatters the trust within the relationship. But one of the biggest questions is related to the definition of an affair.  Is it solely physical intimacy, or can emotional connections be just as damaging?  Is it only an affair if it's in person, or can online interactions constitute an affair?  Are affairs only such if they include sex, sexual, innuendo, or suggestion, or can they include the sharing of per

  Conflict Resolution for Couples Focus on the Problem, Not the Person When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, yelling, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive.  Be careful to focus only on the problem, without beginning to place blame on your partner.  If a disagreement becomes personal, you need to take a pause. Use Reflective Listening Frequently during arguments, we focus on getting our own point acress, rather than listening to our partner.  In fact, this happens in many conversations, in general.  Instead, listen to hear and understand your partner.  And then, before responding with your own thoughts,  restate what they have said to you, in your own words.  Then allow your partner to say whether you got the jist of what they were saying, and if not, they can rephrase it.  Continue this process until your partner agrees that you understand. Next, share your side.  Your partner should reflect back your ideas in their own words until they too

  Spectrum Unveiled: Therapeutic Insights on Parenting Through ADHD & Autism Discoveries  In light of our recent podcast episode about ADHD & Autism,  I chose to write a blog post about it. As a therapist, I have walked alongside many families on their journey of discovering and embtracing neurodivergence.  I understand the range of emotions that parents feel during this experience.  I recognize that it is a pivotal moment that marks the beginning of a unique journey, filled with challenges, triumphs, and abundance of love, grace, and compassion. In this blog post, I offer some guidance and support as you navigate this new experience. Allow Yourself to Feel It's natural to experience a whilrwind of emotions, from shock, to denial, to confusion, anger, sadness, and maybe even relief.  Go ahead, allow yourself to feel all the emotions - the whole range.  Take time to talk about and process your feelings without judgement.  It's okay to have lots of different feelings.  Bu

  Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? How many times have you heard this question asked?  And what are YOUR thoughts about it? Research indicates that people who have cheated are 3 times more likely to cheat again. So what does that mean for your relationship? In light of the recent Married & Confused Podcast episode, hosted by me and my colleague, Claudia Delgado, LCSW, I thought I would share some thoughts here in a blog post. Fidelity is a big question on almost everyone's mind when they enter a serious relationship.  We all go into relationships hoping they will be faithful.  Yet we also know that statistics show that approximately 25% of men admit to cheating on their spouse at some point, while about 15% of women admit to the same.   Another study showed that up to 4% of married people had cheated on their spouse in the past year. As a marriage therapist, I've encountered numerous couples who have experienced infidelity in their marriage.  Many couples want to work to r