Ditch the Doubt: 7 Steps to Get Out of Your Own Way
Ditch the Doubt:
7 Steps to Get Out of Your Own Way
Ever feel like you’re your own worst enemy? Like no matter how much you want something—success, love, happiness—you keep tripping over your own feet? Or has someone ever told you that you get in your own way? You’re not alone. Many people struggle with self-sabotage, whether it’s procrastination, perfectionism, limiting beliefs, fear of failure, or even fear of success. The good news? You can learn to get out of your own way once and for all.
Here’s how:
1. Recognize the Patterns
Self-sabotage isn’t always obvious. And often, others can see it way before you do. It can look like putting things off until the last minute, which essentially gives you an excuse if things don't go as well as you'd hoped; doubting your own abilities, which can be a sign of your own limiting beliefs which perhaps stem from a previous failure you never got over or from growing up in an overly critical environment; avoiding difficult conversations. which is often just another way of avoiding conflict, and if you avoid conflict, you believe that nothing bad will happen; or overthinking every decision, which comes from feeling the need to control every aspect of every situation, so as to decrease the likelihood of making a mistake.
What's important is that you begin to recognize some of these patterns. Start by identifying the behaviors that keep you stuck. See if you notice any of the habits mention above, or any that may be similar.
Ask Yourself:
What habits or thoughts repeatedly hold me back?
When do I tend to self-sabotage the most?
2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
The stories we tell ourselves shape our reality - either positive or negative. If your inner dialogue is filled with thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll probably fail anyway,” it’s time to reframe them. It's time to start telling yourself stories with happy endings. Think about things working out exactly as you wish, and tell yourself that story. Imagine in great detail everything you'd do or say in that version of the story. Tell yourself the story as many times as you need, and then act out the rehearsed story in real life.
Try This:
Replace self-defeating thoughts with neutral or positive alternatives.
Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “I’m learning as I go.” or "I will give it my best!"
Change your inner dialogue to thoughts like, "There's no reason I can't do this." or "Let's see what happens if I succeed."
3. Stop Waiting for the ‘Perfect’ Moment
Perfectionism is a sneaky form of self-sabotage. And boy, is this one of my barriers. It convinces you that you need to wait until conditions are just right before taking action. I don't know how many times I've told myself things like, "I'll start excercising once I lose some weight." or "I'll start this new habit on Monday or the 1st of the month." Or lately, since I've been learning how to make Sourdough Bread, "I won't give a loaf to my friends until I've perfected every part of it." Spoiler alert: that moment never comes.
Just Do It: Take messy action. Progress beats perfection every time. The most successful people produced numerous iterations of their ideas or products before it became the next great thing. Trial and error are exactly how we learn. We won't know what doesn't work, if we never try.
4. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Growth happens outside of your comfort zone. If you’re avoiding something because it feels uncomfortable or scary, that’s probably a sign it’s worth doing. This is how I forced myself to get comfortable with things that scared me. I consistently put myself in situations where I had to do the uncomfortable thing, until it became less and less uncomfortable. Now, I'm not saying that uncomfortable things are eventually going to become your favorite things, but I am saying you can take a lot of the discomfort sting out of it, if you just do it again and again.
Mindset Shift: Instead of fearing discomfort, view it as proof that you’re stretching and evolving.
5. Set Small, Actionable Goals
Big dreams can feel overwhelming, which makes it easy to freeze up. Break them into small, bite-size pieces that you can tackle one at a time. It's much easier to do the difficult things when they are just a series of very small, manageable tasks done over a period of time. And celebrate each success as you go. Be proud of each accomplishment you make toward the larger goal. Again, most of the world's most successful people started small and built from there, with numerous setbacks along the way.
Try This: If you want to start your own business, don’t focus on launching an entire company overnight. Start by imaginging what you want it to look like, the you can brainstorm ideas, then do some research, then start by doing a few small things to get started, and grow from there.
6. Seek Support and Accountability
Sometimes, we need outside help to get out of our own way. Someone outside of your immediate sphere can often be helpful because their view isn't clouded by everything and everyone else. A friend, mentor, coach, or therapist can offer perspective and hold you accountable. Accountability is one of the best ways to move forward in anything new you're trying, including getting out of your own way. This helps you get over the hurdle of your own excuses.
Pro Tip: Find someone who will firmly, yet lovingly, call you out on your crap and motivate you to stay on track, even if things get difficult.
7. Act as If You Already Believe in Yourself
Confidence comes from action, not the other way around. Instead of waiting to feel ready, act as if you already believe in your own abilities. I'm sure you're heard the phrase, "Act as if..." or "Fake it til you make it." Well that's exactly what I'm talking about here. Act as if you're totally sure of yourself and confident with your actions, and with time, your mindset will catch up.
Tell Yourself This: “I am capable. I am learning. I am growing.”
Final Thoughts
You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. The only thing standing between you and the life you want is you! But the good news is, you are also the one who has the power to change that. Recognize the patterns, challenge your thoughts, take action, and watch yourself step into your full potential.
Are you ready to get out of your own way? Let’s go!
If you're interested in receiving therapy to help you get out of your own way and develop your self-confidence, please visit my website to schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.
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