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Empty Nest

 

Picture of an empty next that says, "Now What"; couples counseling in Franklin, TN; couples counseling in San Ramon, CA

Empty Nest - Now What?


Your children are all grown and have moved out and are moving on with their own lives.  The constant influx of people in the house or at the dinner table has disappeared.  The hustle and bustle has died down.  And now you're left with just the two of you.

Now it's time to rediscover yourselves as individuals, and maybe even more importantly, as a married couple.  The last several decades or more have been devoted to rearing your children and launching them into adulthood.  But now you find yourself with extra time and maybe extra energy on your hands.

Leisure Time

Maybe now that all the children's activities and obligations have gone, you find yourself with a lot of extra time.  Instead of dwelling on the absence of your children, focus on things you can now do with that time.  Take a nap.  Read a book.  Learn to cook or bake.  Sign up for some local classes or groups.  Or maybe you need something more practical.  You can do something productive like clean your house.  Pick one room at a time and spend the week focusing on cleaning and organizing, throwing away what you no longer need, and doing some deep cleaning.  Hey, you might even find some things you can sell online for some extra cash!

Activities

Think back to life before children.  What types of things did you enjoy doing?  What were your interests or hobbies?  Did you enjoy hiking?  Camping?  Painting?  Scrapbooking?  Hunting?  Fishing?  Perhaps it's time to re-engage in some of those activities again.

Or maybe you're no longer interested in those things or have found yourself with more finances now, that you can pursue some hobbies or activities that you've always wanted to try.  Make a list of some of the activities you've always wanted to do, and then start seeking out ways to do them.

Travel

Maybe you've wanted to travel to faraway places, but never quite had the time or money to do so, with a full family.  Where are some places you've always wanted to go?  Start planning your next vacation.  Think about what type of clothing you need to pack.  What other types of things you need to bring, learn, or know before going?  Check out restaurants in the area that you'll be visiting.  Check out both tourist and more local attractions you may be interested.  Prepare to immerse yourself.  And if you find yourself missing your children on your trips, you can always pick them up some souvenir trinkets.

Couples Connection

It's been a long time since you've been able to fully focus on your marriage relationship.  For years there have been competing priorities and expectations.  But now is the time to rediscover each other.
Spend some time getting to know each other again, because, if you think about it, you're no longer the same two people that got married many years ago.  Ask each other questions as if you are courting each other.  Find out what each other likes and dislikes.  What makes each of you tick?

Find some activities that you enjoy doing together and make a plan to try them over time.  You may find that some end up being more enjoyable than others.  Plan some different kind of date nights, perhaps that include more than just dinner and movie.  Consider doing some more playful activities together, such as an Escape Room or Trampoline Jumping Parks.

And of course, we can't leave out sex!  Perhaps that's been on somewhat of the back burner for a while.  Or perhaps you've both been to tired to participate.  Well, guess what!?  Now the sky's the limit!  You have the time.  You have the house to yourselves.  There's nothing stopping you from exploring each other all over again, getting to know each other's bodies again.  Finding out what excites the other person now.  Maybe consider being open to trying some new foreplay, toys, outfits, role plays, or positions.  


The important thing is not to dwell on the sadness of your empty nest, but to find the benefits and joys of reconnecting to each other.  Think of your empty nest as a time of celebration for a job well done in rearing your children.  Now it's time to celebrate and find joy in each other.  
The children aren't gone from your lives, just from your home.  You can st ill connect with them regularly, but it just might look a little different.  
Focus on the joys of Empty Nest, while still finding ways to connect with your adult children.

If you'd like more direct and personal help with managing your empty nest, your family dynamics or improving communication or harmony in your relationships, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.


I provide online couples and individual counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.


If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.


Instagram - @brittaniedmillslmft
Phone - (925) 335-6122




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