5 Ways to Break Free From Guilt
5 Ways to Break Free from Guilt
Have you ever struggled to make a decision that felt right in your heart, but you had that nagging feeling or voice in your head that reminded you that someone else wouldn't approve? Maybe your parents or a good friend? Have you ever not done something you want to do, just because you were worried of what someone else would think? Have you felt the pull between honoring your personal values and meeting the expectations of those around you? If so, you’re not alone. We all feel this way at one time or another.
Guilt can be a powerful force, especially when it stems from the expectations of others—family, friends, society, or even religious communities. But living under the weight of guilt often leads us away from who we are authentically, our true self, toward a version of ourself that even we wouldn't recognize and that doesn't resonate deeply within us.
So, how do we break free from guilt and begin living in alignment with our true beliefs rather than others’ expectations? Let me share 5 ways...
1. Identify the Source of Your Guilt
Before we can get past those feelings of guilt, we have to understand where it comes from.
Ask yourself:
- Is my guilt rooted in my own values or convictions, or is it based on the fear of disappointing someone else, or going against what we were taught as a child?
- Do I feel guilty because I’ve actually done something wrong, or am I simply not meeting someone else’s standards or expectations?
- Is this guilt pushing me toward positive change, or is it just making me feel trapped?
Recognizing the difference between healthy guilt (which can guide us to repentance and growth) and unhealthy guilt (which leads to shame and people-pleasing) is key to moving forward.
2. Align with Your Core Beliefs
When we live according to others’ expectations, we often lose sight of what truly matters to us, our own beliefs and core values. It's important not to lose ourselves by trying to live up to other people's beliefs, values, and expectations. It's important to make sure that you are making decisions based on your own beliefs and core values. So take time to reflect on your values and faith, if applicable:
- What do I truly believe about this situation, rather than what others say?
- If you're a person of faith, ask yourself, what does God say about this situation, rather than what others say?
- Are my actions aligned with my core values and personal convictions? Why do I hold these beliefs and values?
- If you're a person of faith, ask yourself, are my actions aligned with biblical principles and my personal convictions?
- Am I making decisions out of love and wisdom, or out of fear and obligation?
In making important decisions, it has to make sense to you and align with who you are. If we make decisions based on other people's beliefs, then we will likely never feel satisfied and will often feel at odds with ourself. Or we will continue to carry the guilt of not aligning with someone else's beliefs.
The only way to truly be at peace with your decisions is to make the decision that feels right to YOU.
3. Set Boundaries with Grace
Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean disregarding others’ feelings—it means setting healthy boundaries while still honoring relationships. For many people, they are taught certain beliefs, principles, and values growing up, with the expectation that you will carry those same beliefs and values into your adulthood. While we do often carry the values we are taught as children, we also learn and grow and develop our own set of values, principles, and beliefs. And we hope that our parents will understand and accept our personal choices and decisions, even if they're different from theirs. When faced with pressure to conform, respond with kindness and confidence:
- “I appreciate your perspective, but I feel led to do this differently.”
- “I understand where you’re coming from, but this decision is what’s best for me.”
- “I love you, but I need to follow what I believe God is calling me to do.”
- "I appreciate your perspective, but that way of thinking isn't healthy for me right now or isn't benefiting me right now.
Boundaries allow us to protect our peace without cutting people out of our lives. Boundaries are a respectful way of maintaining our own beliefs, without disrespecting others.
4. Release the Need for Approval
One of the hardest but most freeing truths is that you will disappoint people when you live according to your own convictions. And that’s okay. We won't make everyone happy all the time.
Not everyone will understand or approve of your decisions. And sometimes those who don't understand or approve, are the people that are the most important to us. But we can't live our lives on someone else's account. Some family or friends may question, criticize, or even withdraw their support or friendship. But remember:
- Your worth is not determined by others’ approval.
- Your faith and purpose matter more than temporary validation.
- The right people—the ones who truly love and respect you—will honor your choices, even if they don’t fully agree.
5. Walk in Freedom
Breaking free from guilt doesn’t happen overnight. It is a long process of unlearning the habits of seeking approval and replacing it with trust in your own decisions. It's hard to unlearn everything that was drilled into you as a child, especially by your well-meaning parents who love you dearly. It's hard to separate from those we love, in our values and beliefs. But as you begin to feel more comfortable with yourself, you will develop:
- More confidence in your decisions
- Deeper peace in your heart
- Stronger relationships built on mutual respect, not obligation
Living your beliefs rather than others’ expectations isn’t about rebellion—it’s about being authentically YOU.
So take a deep breath, release the guilt, and move forward in strength and purpose.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
If you'd like to hear the companion Married & Confused Podcast Episode, please click here.
If you'd like individual support in releasing your guilt and shame, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.
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