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Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 1

 


Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 1

While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling.

In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling.

1)  Dating Relationships

2)  Pre-Marital Counseling

3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling

4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest)

5)  When Things Aren't Working


Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email.

So, let's get started...

Dating Relationships

Some of you may not be ready for marriage just yet, but you're on dating sites, you're checking out the options, and having fun.  That doesn't mean that you shouldn't invest in efforts to improve yourself or your relationships.  In fact, individual counseling may be helpful during this time, as you navigate the dating world and as you begin to learn things about yourself, in relationship to others.

Individual Counseling

This may help you as you deal with the chaos and stress of online dating sites and sorting through all the options.  Dating can be so anxiety producing!  And the influence of Social Media doesn't help.  You may just need some support as you go through the process.  

Much of the time spent in this type of counseling is about helping you figure exactly who you are and what you want (and don't want) in a dating or even long term relationship.  It helps you determine exactly what time of person you want and need or see yourself with.  It also helps you figure out what types of people would not be a good match for you.  In my experience, this individual process is extremely helpful for people in the dating stage, but who are ultimately looking for a long term relationship.

This type of counseling also helps you build your own self-esteem, so you can show up as the best version of yourself while dating and building deeper relationships.  It helps you find out more about yourself, especially yourself in a relationship.  This is important prep work toward a successful long term relationship.

Couples Counseling

This becomes important once you've decided to become exclusive with a specific dating partner.  You're thinking long term.  You're wanting to start off on the right foot.

This can be a great way to start a successful relationship because it shows a commitment from both people and a desire to develop a solid relationship from the start.  This type of counseling will focus on things like communication, boundaries, expectations, and such things as "hard no's" and negotiables.  Esentially, this puts everything on the table so that both people can make informed decisions about the next steps in the relationship.  It allows both partners to be on the same page about where things stand in the relationship.

For starters, I often recommend a Weekly Check In Meeting.  This is a focused time, set aside on a weekly basis, with a specific agenda.  The basic agenda for this meeting is to disucss - What's Working Well?  What Are Our Worries? and Next Steps?  For more details about this, please click here to see my prior blog post about Family Meetings in Marriage.  While the title refers to marriage, it applies to all relationships.  In fact, I've seen it work successfully in many dating relationships.

So, why go to couples counseling?  

Because it helps you start your relationship on the right foot and not leave a bunch of stuff unmentioned.  What I've found is that couples who don't discuss important topics up front, or don't establish boundaries and expectations, have a rockier start and a harder time fixing things later.  

Couples Counseling is NOT:

  • just for married couples
  • just for couples who are having problems
  • a signal that your relationship is in trouble
Next week, I'll discuss Pre-Marital Counseling.

If you'd like to see previous blog posts on Fair Fighting Rules in Marriage, Couples Communication, Self-Esteem, or Anxiety, please click here.

If you'd like more direct and personal help with improving communication in your relationship, or you're already to the resentment stage, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.

I provide online couples counseling throughout California and Florida.


Website - www.brittaniedmilslmft.com

Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com

Phone - (925) 335-6122



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