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Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 2

 




Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 2

While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling.

In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling.

1)  Dating Relationships

2)  Pre-Marital Counseling

3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling

4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest)

5)  When Things Aren't Working


Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email.

So, let's move on to the second level of couples' counseling...


Pre-Marital Counseling

There are several reasons why couples opt to participate in pre-marital counseling.

1)  It's required by their church/religion

2)  They want to make sure they're compatible

3)  They want to discuss some of the tough issues with a third party present, to help them sort things out BEFORE they enter a long term relationship


Let's unpack these reasons.

Required or Recommended by Their Church/Religion

Due to the increase divorce rate and changing views about the sacredness of marriage, churches and pastors are more frequently requiring premarital counseling with couples prior to performing their marriage ceremoney.  The goal of this pre-marital counseling is usually to establish a scriptural or Biblical foundation for the marriage and give them solid footing for the inevitable challenges they will face.

Many pastors take the role of performing a marriage as a sacred trust by God and may be unwilling to perform a marriage ceremony for a couple who is obviously unprepared for marriage.  They may also be reluctant or refuse to perform a marriage ceremony between a Christian and an unbeliever, or who have been previously divorced without scriptual grounds.

For many religions, marriage is a sacred lifetime commitment, not to be taken lightly, so many churches or religions require pre-marital counseling as a method of preparation for such a commitment.  

Pre-marital counseling also helps the couple understand God's design for marriage and provides a healthy, biblical view of marriage.  For many, understanding what the Bible says about marriage will be the foundation of their relationship.  In pre-marital counseling, each person has the time to process and uniquely apply the scriptural principles of and into their marriage.  This counseling can also help you process and express your understanding of the Biblical roles of husband and wife.

Pre-marital counseling also helps the couple learn how to best love each other.  It may help them distinguish their Love Languages and learn how to give that to each other.


They Want to Make Sure They're Compatible

Some couples just need a few sessions to discuss their likes and dislikes and have someone help them sort through those things or to help them find ways to work together.

For some, this highlights various areas of each person's personality so that the therapist can help them talk through it and determine if the personalities will be able to live with each other long term.  This may include such things as being messy or neat, being introverted or extroverted, or being a drinker or not.

For many, they learn that some of these differences are insurmountable and find that it's better NOT to move forward with marriage.  Others find balance or compromises, in order to make a marriage work.

They Want to Discuss Some of the Tough Issues With a Third Party Present, to Help Them Sort Things Out BEFORE They Enter a Long Term Relationship

Some couples simply want to make sure they're in agreement or alignment (or at least have a plan for how to manage) in the areas of big life decisions, before they agree to marry someone.  Such topics as education, career, finances, children, environmentalism, polical views, or religious views may come into play here.

These couples may seek out a neutral third party (a therapist) to help them have these discussions in productive ways and to help them determine if their similarities and differences can align enough to sustain a marriage.  The reason that they seek outside help is because often these topics are sensitive or even triggering and cannot be adequately contained by the two people involved.  They need the assistance of an outsider who can ask them the tough questions, or point out things that they may not see on their own.

Some couples have different communication and/or conflict styles and may want to work with an outside person (a therapist) to help them discuss those differences and determine if they will be able to accommodate each other in these areas.  Or they may need some initial help in learning how to commuciate with each other or how to fight fairly. 

For many, this type of pre-marital counseling is to get all the "big stuff" out on the table ahead of time, so that they can address it or make an informed decision about moving forward with marriage.

No matter which reason, pre-marital counseling can be a helpful way to get a marriage started on the right foot or a solid foundation.  

Next week, I'll discuss Marriage/Couples Counseling.

If you'd like to see previous blog posts on Fair Fighting Rules in Marriage, Couples Communication, Self-Esteem, or Anxiety, please click here.

If you'd like more direct and personal help with improving communication in your relationship, or you're already to the resentment stage, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.

I provide online couples counseling throughout California and Florida.


Website - www.brittaniedmilslmft.com

Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com

Phone - (925) 335-6122



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Location: California, USA

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