This Therapist's Therapy

  Asking For Help is NOT a Sign of Weakness, But Not Asking IS. Within our relationships, we often choose not to ask for help.  Perhaps it's because we are too proud, or maybe we don't want our partner to know that we don't know what we're doing.  Or maybe we don't want to feel like a burden to our partner. Whatever the reason you don't ask for help, you need to know right now that it is not a weakness to ask for help.  Asking for help is demonstrating humility and a desire to grow and learn.  And most people appreciate people who want to grow and learn.  One person can't know everything about everything, so we can all learn from others.   Think about all the areas in life in which we ask/get help from others - teachers, coaches, pastors, therapists...the list goes on.  But I bet you don't think that asking these people for help is weak.  So why do you think about asking others or asking your partner for help is weak. In fact, the Bible tells us in Prove

  How to Get Rid of ANTS! Does it sometimes feel like you can't do anything right?  Everything is going wrong?  You're a failure? Most likely that's due to what is known as Automatics Negative Thoughts - ANTs.  They are cynical, negative, or complaining thoughts that come to us unsolicited.  We all have them from time to time and they often hold us back from doing the the things we want to do.  They hold us back from success or happiness. But you don't have to be a victim of ANTs.  Here's a few tips to help you get rid of ANTs, once and for all: 1)     Recognize & Identify the Thought - the first step to combatting ANTs is to recognize when they're happening.  You may start to hear that catastrophizing voice in your head that causes doubt and uncertainty.  Once you hear that thought in your mind, give it a personality or a name.  Think of it as an outside entity.  Now that you've thinking of the negative thought in the third person, ask yourself if you w

  Fear Ruins Relationships We all have a past.  We all have baggage.  We come into relationships carrying not only the joys of the past, but all the hurts, as well.  It's those past hurts that come to haunt our current and future relationships. Say, for example, that you were cheated on in a previous relationship, despite what you felt were your best efforts to have a good relationship.  Fast forward to a few years later and you're starting a new relationship.  Guess what?  All the fear and all the insecurities of the past relationship creep right back in.  You find yourself questioning your partner's actions and motives.  You doubt their sincerity.  You imagine things happening that aren't.  The hurt from the past relationship is causing distrust in the current relationship. Once that begins to happen, we behave in ways that reflect our distrust.  We are no longer enjoy a happy, carefree relationship, but instead we're suspicious and accusatory.  That is not any wa

  Work/Life Balance  How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship We hear the phrase Work/Life Balance all the time, it seems like.  But do you really know what it means or how to achieve it?  Most of us struggle to find the answer to this question. But there are a few factors that can help: Communication  Priorities Boundaries Communication As with most stuations in a relationship, the first step toward finding balance is communication.  Both  people in the relationship must communicate their wants and needs with each other, so that they can make decisions that work for both of them.  One partner may feel it's important to have time together each evening, to talk and reconnect at the end of the day.  This may be the way that they feel loved and cared for.  Another person may need a few minutes alone when they first get home, so they can unwind and disconnect from work before engaging in family life.  Or both people may agree that they each need some individual time each evening.  Or it

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 5 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about going to Couples Counseling When Things Aren't Working This is the most common reason why most couples go to therapy.  They seek help when things have gotten so bad, they aren't sure there's a way out.  Couples Counseling at this point is often a last ditch effort.  And it's also this level that causes people NOT to want to go to Couples Counseling...they hear all the horror stories. Let me preface this by saying that this level of counseli

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 4 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about Stage of Life Couples Counseling. As I was thinking about this blog post, my first thought was about the transition to Empty Nest.  But the more I thought about it, I realized there are several possible transition points in a marriage or long term relationship. So, I'll break it down into sub-stages.   Casual Dating to Living Together The first stage is the transition from casual dating to living together.  This stage may happen at different times for

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 3 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling 5)  When Things Aren't Working Today, I'll talk about Marriage/Couples Counseling. For many people, after being together or married for some time, things start to fall into habits and patterns.  And we don't always notice right away because, let's face it, life gets busy.  There's work, kids, activities and everything in between, and then suddenly you realize that you and your spouse/partner aren't really spending time together or aren't really talking.  Maybe your intimacy has decreased. 

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 2 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest) 5)  When Things Aren't Working Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email. So, let's move on to the second level of couples' counseling... Pre-Marital Counseling There are several reasons why couples opt to participate in pre-marital counseling. 1)  It's required by their church/religion 2)  They want to make sure they'

  Why Go to Couples Counseling? - Part 1 While mental health awareness has improved, especially over the last few years through the pandemic.  And some of the sitgma around therapy has decreased.  But so many people still wonder why they should participate in couples counseling. In my mind, there are several "levels" of couples' counseling. 1)  Dating Relationships 2)  Pre-Marital Counseling 3)  Marriage/Couples Counseling 4)  Stage of Life Couples Counseling (Empty Nest) 5)  When Things Aren't Working Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss each of these levels in detail.  You may find that this leads to more questions.   If that happens for you, please leave a comment, visit my website, or send me an email. So, let's get started... Dating Relationships Some of you may not be ready for marriage just yet, but you're on dating sites, you're checking out the options, and having fun.  That doesn't mean that you shouldn't invest in efforts to improve

  Tips for Maintaining Healthy Boundaries I usually add a new blog post on Wednesdays, but this past week, I was under the weather, so I wasn't able to do so.  At first, I felt a little badly that I had missed posting a blog, but then I realized or remembered that I had to draw a boundary for myself.  We can't burn the candle at both ends and expect for that to be sustainable.  And we can't help others, if we aren't first taking care of ourselves...kind of like the oxygen masks on an airplane.  The flight attendants always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, and then attend to others.  We are of no help to others if we aren't breathing.  So, because I wasn't feeling well, I drew my own boundary and realized I had to prioritize my own health, ahead of posting a blog.  After all, the blog ain't going anywhere! But that got me thinkin about healthy boundaries, so I decided to provide some tips for (establishing) and maintaining healthy boundaries. Person