10/4 - How Do You Know It's Time to Seek Counseling?
How Do You Know It’s Time to Seek Counseling?
I am writing this as a follow up to the blog post a few weeks ago, when we talked about not just seeking therapy when you're in crisis. After writing that, I thought I would share some ways in which you can determine that you might need to seek counseling.
As a therapist, one of the questions I hear often is, “How do I know if I really need counseling?”
Sometimes people assume counseling is only necessary when life has completely fallen apart. They picture someone in a major crisis, experiencing severe depression or anxiety, going through a divorce, or dealing with a significant trauma. Or worse, they assume that counseling is only for "crazy" people.
But counseling doesn't have to begin at the breaking point. And it's definitely NOT just for "crazy" people. Many people seek counseling just to have someone neutral, someone who isn't involved in their daily life, to talk to. Sometimes it's just to have a safe place to express their real feelings, without judgement.
For others, they come to therapy because they recognize that something isn't quite right and they want to fix it—they don't want to wait until it becomes a crisis.
You don't have to be falling apart to benefit from counseling. Honestly, anyone could benefit from it.
Here are a few reasons you may want to consider counseling:
1) You Keep Struggling With the Same Problems
One of the most obvious signs that counseling might be helpful is when you find yourself dealing with the same problems over and over again, even though you genuinely want things to change.
Maybe you keep having the same arguments with your partner. You want things to change, but you just aren't sure how to do it. And so you fall into the same patterns as always.
Maybe you keep find yourself in unhealthy relationships. You seem to always attract the wrong people or you haven't quite learned how to set boundaries for yourself, so the relationship becomes unhealthy.
Or maybe you struggle with setting boundaries, communicating your needs, managing anger, or trusting other people. There are lots of problems we tend to struggle over and over with. But it you find yourself unable to fix them, it might be time to seek counseling.
Sometimes we know what we want to change but don't know how to change it.
That's where therapy can help. Counseling provides a place to slow down, recognize patterns, understand where they came from, and begin developing different ways of responding. Therapy can teach you new ways of communicating, it can help you learn how to set and stick to boundaries, and it can help you unlearn negative interaction patterns.
2) You Feel Overwhelmed by Everyday Life
You don't have to be experiencing a major crisis to feel overwhelmed. Sometimes lots of things happen all at once and it's hard to juggle it all.
Work, marriage, parenting, finances, aging parents, friendships, health concerns, and other responsibilities can gradually add up. Sometimes you may find yourself thinking:
“I'm tired all the time.”
“I don't feel like myself anymore.”
“I just can't keep up.”
“I should be able to handle this, but I can't.”
If you feel like you're constantly operating on empty, counseling can provide a place to process what you're carrying rather than continuing to push through until you completely burn out. It helps you address all those things, so they don't keep dragging you down.
3) Your Relationships Are Struggling
Relationships are one of the most common reasons people seek counseling. I mean, relationships are something we all have, whether they are marriage or romantic relationships, friendships, co-workers, or ever your interactions with your local restaurant servers. Relationships are what make up our world.
Maybe you've noticed that communication with your partner has become difficult. Perhaps you're arguing more frequently, avoiding difficult conversations, feeling disconnected, or struggling to resolve disagreements. Maybe you have begun feeling distant, like roommates instead of soulmates.
Or maybe the difficulty is with a family member, friend, coworker, or adult child. All those relationship struggles take their toll on us, even when we don't realize it. Each relationship struggle is a weight that bears down on us until finally we can't take it anymore.
But you don't necessarily need to wait until a relationship is on the verge of ending before seeking help. In fact it's a good idea to seek help before things get to that point, so you can maintain healthy, meaningful relationships with the people in your life.
Sometimes counseling can help you address problems while there is still room to make meaningful changes.
4) You Feel Stuck
There are times in life when you know you aren't happy with where you are, but you aren't sure what needs to change. You just feel stuck in a rut.
You may feel stuck in a job, relationship, pattern of behavior, or way of thinking.
You may find yourself asking:
“Why do I keep doing this?”
“Why can't I move forward?”
“What do I actually want?”
“Why do I know better but keep making the same choices?”
These are statements I hear all the time from clients. Therapy can give you the opportunity to explore those questions without having to figure everything out on your own. A therapist might help you discover some insight you hadn't thought of before or may help offer a different perspective on these same issues.
5) Your Emotions Feel Difficult to Manage
Everyone experiences difficult emotions. Feeling sad, frustrated, angry, anxious, disappointed, or overwhelmed doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. Those are common feelings we all have from time to time, depending on what's going on in our lives.
But the problems come when emotions begin interfering with your relationships, work, sleep, decision-making, or ability to enjoy life. When you find that happening, it may be time to talk with someone.
You might notice that you're:
Frequently anxious or worried - more than usual or more often than usual, or maybe about things you don't even need to worry about.
More irritable than usual - finding yourself just feeling grumpy, or feeling irritated by the slightest things.
Crying more often - you might find yourself crying at tv commercials or other things that have never made you cry before. And this is often because your emotions are on overload, so they are spilling over, so to speak.
Feeling emotionally numb - maybe you've just had enough and your mind and body have shut down completely, leaving you feeling emotionally numb.
Having difficulty calming yourself down - maybe you used to let things roll of your back or you could let go of things easily, but now you find yourself staying agitated longer.
Constantly overthinking - this is such a common response for people. When our minds are overstimulated, they begin overthinking in an effort to protect themselves, when instead, all it does it cause more anxiety, so you're always in a state of hyper-arousal.
Avoiding situations because of fear or anxiety - maybe you have begun finding it easier to just avoid certain things rather than face them. It just seems easier. But what's actually happening instead is that you are slowly erasing yourself and the things you love.
Experiencing persistent sadness or hopelessness - and sometimes it just feels like you can't catch a break and nothing is ever going to get better.
Counseling can help you understand your emotional responses and develop healthier ways of managing them.
6) You Keep Putting Everyone Else First
This one can be especially difficult to recognize. It's difficult because we are taught to be polite, to be kind, to help others. And the transition happens so slowly, we don't even know it.
You may be the person everyone calls when they need something. You're dependable. You take care of your family. You show up for everyone else.
But somewhere along the way, you stopped showing up for yourself. We call this People Pleasing. It's where we put so much energy into helping others and making sure everyone around us is happy, that we eventually forget about ourselves. We forget to take care of ourselves. We forget to replenish our own energy and needs.
Maybe you have difficulty saying no. Maybe you feel guilty when you set boundaries. Maybe you don't even know what you need anymore because you've gotten so used to focusing on everyone else's needs.
Counseling can help you learn the difference between being supportive and becoming responsible for everyone else's happiness.
7) Something Happened That You Haven't Been Able to Process
Sometimes the reason for seeking counseling is obvious.
A death.
A divorce.
Infidelity.
A major move.
A traumatic experience.
A serious illness.
A significant loss.
A major life transition.
But sometimes the event happened years ago and you still find yourself affected by it. I've had client seek therapy because something in their present, triggered something traumatic from their past that they never quite worked through. They just repressed it and hoped it would go away.
Past experiences can influence how we think, relate to others, respond to conflict, and understand ourselves—even when we don't consciously connect the dots.
Therapy can provide a safe place to process those experiences and understand how they may still be affecting your life today.
8) You Want to Understand Yourself Better
Counseling isn't always about fixing something that's “wrong.”
Sometimes people come to therapy because they want to understand themselves better. They want to be more in touch with who they are and why they do what they do. They want to be intentional in how they live their life. They want to be present in all the moments of life.
They want to become a better spouse.
A better parent.
A better friend.
A healthier communicator.
A more emotionally aware person.
They want to understand their triggers, identify their patterns, improve their relationships, or simply become more intentional about the way they live. There are so many thing abouts ourselves that we have yet to learn, understand, or develop.
You don't have to be in crisis to grow.
Therapy can be a place for personal growth as well as problem-solving.
You're Wondering If You Should Go to Counseling
Interestingly, sometimes the question itself is worth paying attention to.
If you've been thinking, “Maybe I should talk to someone,” there's probably a reason that thought keeps coming back. Maybe it's time you listened to that inner voice.
That doesn't necessarily mean you need long-term therapy. You might benefit from a few sessions focused on a particular concern. You may discover that you need more support than you initially realized. Or you may simply gain some clarity about what you want to do next. There isn't a one size fits all approach to therapy. Some people do well with focused, short-term therapy and others thrive by having a long term therapeutic relationship.
A consultation can be a good place to start.
You Don't Have to Wait Until Things Get Worse
As a therapist, I would encourage people not to think of counseling as a last resort.
You don't have to wait until your marriage is falling apart. You can start your marriage on a healthy note by seeking counseling from the beginning. Or if you're already married, it can't hurt to seek counseling to improve on the strengths you already have.
You don't have to wait until you're completely burned out. If you're starting something new, seek counseling to help you do it well, without burning out. Or if you're already working on something, seek support before it becomes a problem. Then you can avoid the burnout.
You don't have to wait until anxiety or sadness is interfering with every area of your life. Seek counseling as soon as you begin to notice that something is even just a little bit off.
And you certainly don't have to wait until someone else tells you that you need therapy.
Counseling can be an investment in your emotional health, your relationships, and your future.
Sometimes the healthiest decision isn't waiting until you can't handle something anymore. It's recognizing that you could use some support before you get to that point. Therapy can help you learn different ways of handling your daily stressors.
So, Is It Time?
If you're asking yourself whether counseling might be helpful, consider asking a slightly different question:
“Would talking with a trained professional help me understand what I'm experiencing and decide what I want to do next?”
If the answer might be yes, that's enough reason to explore it.
You don't have to have everything figured out before you walk into a therapist's office.
That's part of what counseling is for. And that's what free consultations are for....to help you figure out if therapy is what you need right now.
If you're interested in couples or individual counseling, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.mustardseedchristiancounseling.com.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here or visit the Blog tab on my website.
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