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My One Word for 2020 - Patience


Each year, after some time in prayer with God, I am given One Word for the year.  It's a word that I believe is given to me by God, to focus on, think about, reflect on, and improve on.  For 2020, my word is Patience.  And I think God gave me this word this year, because over the last few years, I have gotten more and more impatient.  And I believe God wants me to grow in this area.

First, let me admit that I have not done well in focusing on my One Word this year, so I will likely need to continue with it again next year, along with whatever word God chooses for me for 2021.

But as you know, the year 2020 has definitely been a year for trying one's patience.  I mean, the year started out well enough.  Seeming like it would be a good year.  In fact, my husband and I had planned and paid for a 2 week Hawaiian cruise for our 10th wedding anniversary...something we've been planning and looking forward to for several years.  That was supposed to take place in April.  I had even made a paper count down chain, cutting a link off each day, as we counted down until embarkation day.
And then, COVID hit!  On March 16, 2020, our state called for a quarantine of sorts, where we were told to stay indoors except for essential needs, such as grocery shopping and to travel to work, if you were still allowed to work.  Luckily, both my husband and I are considered essential workers, so we maintained our employment and paychecks.  But it did mean that date night as we knew it was suspended, going to movies was out, and even hiking became more difficult as all of a sudden everyone else was hiking too, since they couldn't go to work and needed something to do to get out of the house.  We became more thankful for our jobs, simply as a way to break up the monotony of being stuck at home. All of this became the first test of my patience in 2020.  Little did I know, this would just be the beginning of test of my patience.

So, instead of taking a 2 week tropical vacation, I took one week off work, and my husband and I painted the interior of our house.  Even going into Lowes for paint, we got the stink eye, because well, some people were judging whether or not we "needed" to be out in public to buy paint, etc.  This was in the early part of the pandemic when people were still very much sheltering at home, living in fear.  

At work, my Team and I had to adapt quickly to the ever changing climate of teaching and training in the virtual world.  This meant changing plans on the fly, re-creating curriculum to accommodate virtual learning, and finding ways to provide materials to our new social work staff, while practicing as much social distancing as possible AND making sure they were getting a quality training as new child welfare social worker.  This was yet another test of my patience, repeatedly, week after week, as circumstances and rules continued to change, almost daily.

During the early months of the pandemic, toilet paper was essentially non-existent, as were many other "staple" items.  Going to the grocery store became a crap shoot, as to whether or not they'd have what I needed and how many people would be clamoring for those items.  Just the number of people in line increased, which again, tried my patience, since I often stop by the store for a quick pick up on the way home from work, before making dinner and then holding a few virtual therapy sessions for my private practice clients.

But we still held out hope that it wouldn't ruin our vacation plans. But about 2 weeks before our cruise was set to sail, the cruise line cancelled their cruises.  We were crushed!  We really wanted to do something special to celebrate 10 years of marriage. 

The lockdown has continued to varying degrees for 6 months now, with no particular end in sight.  And just when they start to loosen up, something else happens that causes us to go back into right lockdown.  Again, trying my patience.  At this point, I'm pretty much over the pandemic, over the fear, over the inability to live a normal life...just over it!  But of course, I also don't want to get sick or arrested, so, I politely go along with the rules.

Well, after the disappointment of not being able to properly celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, we instead began to plan for our birthdays, thinking we would reschedule our cruise for January 2021, because, I mean, of course the pandemic will be over by then.  We are still scheduled for that cruise, but it's so hard to tell at this point, whether it will happen or not.  Another trying of my patience, as I basically wait on the CDC to tell me that I can start living a normal life again.  Trying to wait patiently to find out whether I can finally take a well-deserved vacation.

And, of course, to top it all off, most of the state of California (where I live), is on fire and the air is filled with ash and is poor quality.  So, now, even being able to spend time outside is limited and non-recommended.  So, at this point, if it weren't for my job, I would literally be stuck indoors almost 24/7, coming out only to buy groceries.  If that's not a test of my patience, I don't know what it.

But I have continued to try to learn from this word, to determine what God is trying to teach me.  I have friends and colleagues who lovingly keep me accountable when they see me becoming impatient, and for that I am appreciative.  This year I have learned that patience is much hard to maintain that I realized and I have total respect for those people who are able to practice patience well.

For me right now, patience means turning to God more frequently, handing my worries to Him on a daily, if not hourly basis, trusting God to meet all my needs and manage the trials of the world as He sees fit, in His infinite wisdom and omniscience.  Patience means practicing being unselfish, because, let's face it, impatience comes from selfishness....wanting to get my way, right now.  Practice means being humble, knowing that everything isn't about me and that there are much worse things going on than my petty inconveniences.  I've come to learn a lot about what patience really means, and I hope to continue to learn more, so that at the end of this year, I will be so much better at practicing patience.

I'd love to hear your thoughts or struggles with patience, especially this year.  And I'd love to hear how you're managing to maintain patience throughout these difficult times.  Because, we can all help each other by sharing how we cope.  So, drop your thoughts and suggestions in the comments.

Website - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com
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Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com
Phone - (925) 335-6122


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