RESPECT...Find Out What it Means to Me! (Part 3)



RESPECT...Find Out What it Means to Me! (Part 3)

Welcome Back!  I'm sorry for not having a blog post last week.  I was not feeling well, so was not up to creating the post.  But here we are with Part 3 of the Respect series.  This week, we're looking at tips #21-30 on how to give and receive respect.

Let's get started...

21)  Compliment the other person on acts of generosity, "You are so generous!"  Thank you for doing that." 

Who doesn't like to receive a compliment?  We all do, let's face it.  And who doesn't like to be acknowledged for their kindness or generosity.  Knowing that, it makes sense to provide that for others.  And we all know that what gets noticed, get repeated.  Respect comes from acknowledging other people's kindness and strengths.

22)  Don't correct the other person's effort in helping, unless there is a significant safety risk involved.  If they want help, they will ask.

It's so easy to create a narrative for what we think will happen.  Respect can come from avoiding this trap!  When we correct other people's efforts, the message the other person hears is that you don't trust them, don't have faith or confidence in them, or don't believe they can do it well.  No one is going to respect someone who questions their competence.  And clearly, it demonstrates that you don't respect them.  Trust that if the person truly needs help, they will ask.  Allowing them the space to do it on their own and to make mistakes, as long as no one's safety is at risk.

23)  Have emotional control when you bring up issues.

This is just good advice, period.  When you need to have a serious discussion or difficult conversation with someone, then get yourself in a place when you're in control of your emotions.  Have a plan of what you want to say and how.  Be prepared, instead of just winging it.  I'm sure you've experienced a situation where someone brought up a difficult topic, either with you or with someone else, and they just seemed angry, unorganized or out of control.  And when you watched that situation unfold, you quickly lost respect for that person.  Also, if you aren't in control of yourself and your emotions, again, what that really demonstrates, is a lack of respect for the person you're talking to.  By being prepared, organized, and in control, you are saying that you value and respect the person you're speaking to.

24)  Understand that talking about issues when you are upset does not yield the best result for either you or the other person.

I can't stress this enough!  When you are upset and emotional, it's likely that your conversation will NOT be productive.  When a person is angry or upset, their emotions in the moment, often cloud their ability to think clearly and rationally.  If you take a "pause" to collect yourself and your emotions, what you're really saying is that you value and respect the other person enough to want to have a productive conversation.  Otherwise, what ends up happening is that both people say and do things they regret later.  And, as you can imagine, this quickly diminishes mutual respect.  Respect comes from mutually beneficial conversations.

25)  Don't get frustrated with the other person when they don't express their feelings well.

There's nothing worse than having another person criticize your inability to express yourself clearly.  It just makes it harder to express your feelings, going forward.  The best way to show respect to the other person is to slow down and take the time to try to understand what the other person is saying.  Ask clarifying questions.  Reflect back to them when you think you're hearing, giving them the opportunity to confirm or clarify.  This approach says that you care enough to listen to understand.  That's respect.

26)  Accept the other person's feelings, and affirm them for sharing their feelings, even if you don't agree with their position.  ("That sounds like it is a difficult thing for you...I appreciate your sharing this with me.  How can I help?")

This is similar to #25.  Acknowledging and affirming the other person for sharing their feelings is always a way for building respect.  This applies even when both people don't share the same position.  Be sensitive to the other person's perspective and try to find common ground.

27)  Don't talk about issues when the other person is tired, distracted, or hungry.

I don't think there's much to say here.  Conversations always go sideways in these situations.  Make sure that if you need to discuss a serious issue with another person, then make sure the time and setting is most appropriate.  This demonstrates respect because it is telling the person that their mental and physical state is important to you and you want them to be at their best during the conversation.  And that you want to be at your best, as well.

28)  Don't assume the other person has a negative feeling, instead tell them, "I'm sure you have a good reason for what you are saying, can you share with me what it is?  I'm confused."

This one is important.  So often we assume that the person we're speaking to, is coming from a negative place.  And when we do that, we respond in kind.  And that just sets both people up for a downhill conversations.  Instead, assume positive intent and ask for clarification.  When someone takes the time to ask clarifying questions and assumes that we are coming from a positive place, it sends the message, again, that we care enough not to assume negativity, which leads to respect.  Respect comes from allowing the other person to provide the reasoning for their thoughts.  It says we respect their space.

29)  Don't ask questions beginning with the word, "Why?"

Asking "why" automatically puts the other person on the defensive.  This is the easiest way to ensure that the other person loses respect for you quickly.  No one likes to be questioned about the reasons they do things.  It implies distrust.  And distrust does NOT build respect.  Respect asks for clarification about the other person's thought process, so that you can better understand where they're coming from.

30)  Say, "Excuse me," when you are trying to get the other person's attention, or say the other person's name.

You probably learned this basic politeness etiquette when you were a young child.  And I'm sure your parents explained that this is the respectful way of getting someone's attention.  However, there are still ways to be disrespectful when saying "excuse me".  So don't just butt in and repeatedly say "excuse me" until you're acknowledged.  And also, try to find an appropriate quick break in the conversation, to try to get the other person's attention.  When you just butt in or rudely interrupt, what you're really saying is that you feel that you or what you have to say is more important than what the other person is currently doing or talking about, or more important that the other person they are talking to.  Respect has so many similarities to humility.


If you're interested in finding out more about respect, especially how to respect yourself and present yourself with self-respect, please reach out to me.  I specialize in helping people develop and grow their self-respect, so that others will learn to respect them, as well.

Instagram - @brittaniedmillslmft
Phone - (925) 335-6122

You can also find my previous blog posts at This Therapist's Therapy:  https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/


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