RESPECT...Find Out What it Means to Me (Part 7)
Welcome Back, Everyone! Wait....you weren't gone, I was. I took a vacation with my husband to celebrate our birthdays. The cruise we had originally planned was cancelled, due to COVID, but we took some time to go enjoy nature, hiking in the redwoods.
But let's go ahead and jump back into learning about respect. We'll be covering tips # 61 - 70 today.
61) If you break something that belongs to the other person, fix it (or replace it).
That just seems like common courtesy to me. It reminds me of the Proverb, "Do unto others as you would like done to you." Treat others the way that you'd like to be treated in a similar situation. The other person shouldn't have to pay the cost of your mistake. To fix or replace it, shows the other person that you care about them and their belonging to make things right. Otherwise, all you're saying with your actions (or inactions), is that the other person doesn't mean much to you at all and their belongings were simply a convenience to you.
62) Don't openly disagree with the other person in from of others.
How often have you seen this happen? With married couples. With a boss and a subordinate. It undermines what the other person is saying and immediately robs them of credibility and of other's people's respect. Just think of how you've felt when you've seen this type of thing unfold. If you disagree with the person, it's often best to remain quiet when in a group, and then speak to them privately, later, just the two of you. The other person will be better able to hear what you have to say AND you'll earn their respect, by saving theirs.
63) When the other person apologizes, smile broadly and thank them for apologizing and understanding. Then tell the other person that you forgive them. It's like it never happened.
Don't hold a a grudge. Usually the only person you're hurting when you do this, is yourself. If someone offer an apology, graciously accept it and offer sincere forgiveness. It may still have hurt you, but they humbled themselves enough to apologize, so the least you can do is accept their apology. In fact, you're simply modelling good behavior.
64) Don't dredge up issues - if you choose not to confront the other person about something in the moment, you have chosen to let it go. The other person won't trust you if you bring up things from the past, especially if they've never bee brought up before.
This is huge. By opting not to confront someone about something that upset or bothered you, you are instead choosing to let it go. There isn't an option to hold on to issues for an opportune time and THEN bring it up to slap in the other person's face. So, either speak up now or forever hold your peace! If you constantly bring up things from the past, only to hurt the other person, that is one of the most disrespectful things you can do, because you've never given them the opportunity to change or to make it right, because they never knew it was a problem. Yet all of a sudden, you're slamming it in their face. We can all respect someone who has the courage to say difficult things to us.
65) If the other person treats you badly consistently, it is okay to say to them, "I'm not feeling very happy or friendly with you right now...you XYZ'd me today, and I know you apologized, but I feel like you're aren't going to change your behavior because you keep doing it."
This is the most respectful way to share with someone how their actions negatively impacted you; how what they said or did (or didn't say or do) hurt you. They need to understand the consequences of their behavior, while still receiving a gentle reminder that their behavior is consistent. It's hard not to respect someone who is able to stand up for themselves in this way. And it shows self-respect, as well, which is where I believe respect for others ultimately stems from.
66) Avoid getting lazy in your relationship - ask God to keep your heart prioritizing your relationship(s) in your life.
This can apply to marriage or partner relationships, to friendships, or even to work relationships. Don't take the other person for granted and become lazy. Each day seek to treat the other person with kindness and fairness, which leads to respect. And this also shows respect for yourself, in that you value yourself enough to make the relationship important.
67) When you see the other person, smile broadly, whether you've seen them 28 other times that day, or whether it's the first time.
Show the other person that you genuinely care about them and that you are always glad to see them. Again, like with many of these tips, this simply shows that the other person is important to you, that you are happy when you see them, and that you like to be in their company. It's easy to respect someone who wants to be around you.
68) When the other person comes home from work (in a marriage/partnership relationship) or comes back from an errand, task, or assignment, stop what you're doing and greet them.
Acknowledging the other person's presence demonstrates that you noticed when they weren't around, that things are better when they're present. It shows respect to simply take a moment to acknowledge someone, yet it's something we so often forget to do, or perhaps never realized the importance.
69) Let the other person know how whatever they do, positively impacts you. (In marriage/partner relationships) It may be something like..."Thanks for consistently paying the bills for our family. I appreciate that and am thankful to not have to deal with that stressful task." (In other relationships) It may be something like..."Thank you for always making sure the copy machine has paper. I appreciate that and am thankful that I don't have to worry about having a delay in my work flow to refill paper." (Well, you get the idea....)
Even for the mundane, day to day things, it's always nice to hear that (1) the other person is grateful, but (2) how it benefits them or impacts them in a positive manner. It's a sure sign of respect to acknowledge the efforts other person make, to ensure you're happy, comfortable, productive, etc. That they quickly and quietly handle things in order to help you, they show their respect to you. So it's a mutual exchange of respect.
70) If the other person lets you know something is bothering them, be a good listener - don't give them advice unless they ask for it.
We all need to feel heard. We all need to be validated. And sometimes all we need is for someone to listen. We don't always want advice, but instead,, someone to hear us. If I reflect back to certain scenarios in my life, I remember feeling gratitude and respect for the people who were willing and able to sit and listen to me whine when things weren't going my way, without any unkind words or unsolicited advice.
Respect is something everyone wants, but many people don't seem to understand that you often have to give it to get it. Respect is earned, by our words, actions, and responses. I'm glad you've joined me thus far for our journey on respect.
Please drop a comment on what respect means to you or your thoughts and experiences with any of these tips.
If you're interested in finding out more about respect, especially how to respect yourself and present yourself with self-respect, please reach out to me. I specialize in helping people develop and grow their self-respect, so that others will learn to respect them, as well.
You can also find my previous blog posts at This Therapist's Therapy: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/
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