The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Children & Elderly Parents
The Sandwich Generation:
Would You Like Cheese With That?
In today's world, many adults find themselves as part of the "sandwich generation". This defines those who are caring for their aging parents, while also rearing children of their own. This dual responsibility can be both rewarding and incredibly challenging. It often leads to feelings of stress and overwhelm.
As a Marriage & Family Therapists, I work with many people who fall into this category and because I do a lot of work with couples, I see first hand, how it can impact a marriage. And I see the emotional toll this role can take on individuals, couples, and families. Below, I offer some insights and strategies to help you navigate this uinque, difficult, yet rewarding phas of life.
Understanding the Sandwich Generation
The ter "sandwich generation" typically refers to middle-aged adults, usually between their late 30's and early 50's, who are "sandwiched" between the demands of their childdren and the needs of their aging parents. This role often involves juggling a variety of tasks, from managing medical appointments and finances for parents to attending school events and nurturing the growth of their children, while still trying to care for themselves and their marriages. Often the demands of this phase of life are relentless.
Emotional & Practical Challenges
- Emotional Strain - Balancing the needs of two generations, and yourself, can lead to significant emotional stress. You might expereicne guilt, feeling that you're not giving enough attention to either your parents or your children. There can also be anticipatory grief as you watch your parents age and copy with their declining health
- Financial Pressure - The financial burden of caring for both children and aging parents can be substantial. Costs may include healthcare, education, and everday living expenses, which can strain even the most well-planned budgets. Not all aging parents have sufficient income in their later years to adequately cover their living expenses, causing the adult children to have to pick up the slack.
- Time Management - Finding time for yourself, your partner, and your personal interests can be incredibly challenging. This can lead to burnout, exhaustion, relationship strain, and a sense of losing one's identity.
Strategies for Coping & Thriving
- Seek Support - Don't hesitate to reach out for help. This can include hiring professional caregivers, seeking respite care, or simply asking friends and family for assistance. Support groups for the sandwich generation can also provide a sense of community and understanding.
- Set Boundaries - Clearly define what you can and cannot do. It's okay to say no to additional responsibilities if you're feeling overwhelmed. Setting boundaries is essential to maintaining your mental and emotional health.
- Prioritize Self-Care - Make time for youself, even if it's just a few minutes each day. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's reading exercising, spending time with friends, or just watching mindless tv. Your well-being is crucial to being able to care for others effectively. Remember, I will also go back to the concept of putting your oxygen mask on first!
- You also need to be sure to prioritize the relationship with your spouse. This is YOUR primary support person, so this relationship needs to be kept strong and healthy. I know it will be hard, but maintain a regular schedule of date night, or something similar, where you can be alone together and just enjoy some down time. Enlist others who can help you make this happen.
- Communicate Openly - Keep lines of communication open with your family. Discussing your challenges and needs with your spouse, children, and parents can help everyone understand the pressures you're facing and can foster a more supportive environment overall. It is especially important to maintain strong, clear communication with your spouse about what responsibilties each of you are responsible for and how to let each other know when you're feeling overwhelmed.
- Plan for the Future - Work with your parents to plan for their future needs. This can include discussing their preferences for care, oganizing legal documents, and considering long-term care options. This may also include having open dialogue with your children about the changes that they will see with their grandparents and what to expect. Help nurture the relationship between your children and your parents, as these relationships play important roles for all involved. Depending on the age of the children, discuss what they might expect over time, as the health and/or mental capacity of your parents declines. Talk with them and model compassion and tenderness. Having a plan for all these things can alleviate some of the uncertainty and stress. over time
Finding Balance
While being part of the sandwich generation can be challenging, it also offers opportunities for deepening family bonds and creating lasting memories. By following the strategies listed above, you will better be able to find a balance that allows you to care for your loved ones, while also taking care of yourself.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and to take things one day at a time. By taking proactie steps and maintaining a focus on self-care, you can manage the complexities of the sandwich generation with strength, resilience, and grace.
If you are part of the sandwich generation and find yourself struggling to find balance, please visit my website to schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if couples or individual counseling may be right for you.
I provide online couples and individual counseling throughout Tennessee, South Carolina, Florida, & California.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
Website - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com
Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com
Phone - (925) 335-6122
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/brittaniedmillslmft
Instagram - @brittanedmillslmft
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