From ‘Me’ to ‘We’:
Unlock the Secret to Shared Interests with Your Partner
1. Where Did You and Your Partner Meet?
Thinking about where you and your partner first met can be a great start for developing shared interests. Was it at a concert, a mutual friend’s party, or perhaps a hiking trip? Where or how you met may already hint at common interests or values you share.
For example, if you met at a social event, you may both enjoy activities that involve interacting with others, such as game nights or group adventures. You could consider joining some groups that plan activities together. If you connected over a shared hobby like a sport, that activity might be worth exploring further as a couple. Perhaps joining a sports team or league or buying season tickets to watch your favorite team play. Even revisiting the place where you first met or trying a new spin on that experience can bring back fond memories and lay the groundwork for new ones.
Even if the place where you met doesn’t immediately suggest a common interest, it can still serve as a conversation starter. Talking about that first meeting—what attracted you to each other, what sparked the connection—can offer clues about activities you might enjoy now, even if they weren’t part of your lives when you first got together.
For example, I met my husband while I was working as a "bagger"/courtesy clerk at a grocery store and he was a "checker"/clerk. So, yeah, that doesn't immediately spark any ideas. It's not like we're going to take adventurous trips to the grocery store. But what my husband says attracted him to me (besides for my looks) was my "spunky" personality. Well, maybe that's a start. Even now, I could ask him what that meant and try to come up with some common interests based on that.
2. What Types of Things or Activities Make You Happy or Bring You Joy?
Understanding what brings joy to each of you individually is a helpful step toward finding common ground. Take some time to reflect on the hobbies and activities that make you feel alive. Is it hiking, reading, painting, or maybe exploring new restaurants?
Share these with your partner, and listen to what lights them up. You may be surprised to find areas of overlap you didn’t consider before. Even if you don't initially have the same passions, you can each express why you love those activities and see if there’s a way to merge them. For instance, if one partner loves photography and the other enjoys nature, perhaps taking nature walks to capture beautiful photos could be an enjoyable shared activity.
It’s important to also consider activities that bring you joy together. Look back on your relationship and think about the times when you both felt the happiest. Was it during a weekend getaway, cooking together, or binge-watching a favorite TV show? Those moments often hold clues to shared interests you can develop further.
3. What New Things is Each Partner Open to Trying?
Building shared interests doesn’t mean you have to both instantly love the same things. Sometimes, it involves stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new. Ask yourselves: What new activities are you open to trying?
Maybe your partner has always wanted to learn how to salsa dance or take a pottery class, and you’ve never considered it before. Giving it a shot can introduce a new hobby you both enjoy. Being willing to experiment and stay open-minded is key to discovering fresh shared interests. Plus, trying something for the first time together can be a bonding experience in itself, as you work through learning curves and laugh over beginner’s mistakes.
For me, I had never been into hiking, but my husband really was. He tried and tried to get me to go out hiking with him, but I usually declined. But one year, after I had gone through a fairly major surgery, the doctor's recommendation was to get out and walk. So, that was the year I started walking and hiking with my husband. I learned to enjoy it, even when it meant climbing a steep hill, because I often got to see some of the most beautiful views of local nature. And I love to take pictures, so these hikes leant themselves to me getting some amazing nature photos, as well. But had I not been willing to try something outside of my comfort zone, I may never have known I could enjoy it and I certainly wouldn't have the awesome photos to show for it.
There may also be times that, even though one of you was open to trying something new, it still isn't your cup of tea, even after trying it. That's okay too. At least you tried. And that just means that that is an activity that you or your partner can continue to do alone or with a friend. The important part is being open to trying new things.
It’s important to approach this with curiosity and enthusiasm. Even if one partner is more naturally inclined toward certain activities, showing genuine interest and giving it a try sends a powerful message of love and support. Sometimes, you may not fall in love with the new hobby, and that’s okay! The goal is to explore and discover, enjoying the journey just as much as finding the perfect match.
Developing shared interests as a couple is an evolving process, but it’s one that can bring immense joy and connection to your relationship. By reflecting on where you met, identifying activities that bring you joy, and staying open to new experiences, you’ll find opportunities to grow closer and create meaningful experiences together. The key is to keep the conversation going, explore with an open heart, and, above all, have fun!
If you feel like maybe your connection to your spouse isn't what it used to be, or you're having a hard time finding common interests, please consider couples counseling. You can visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online couples counseling throughout Tennessee, South Carolina, Florida, & Callifornia
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