Addiction & Al-Anon
Finding Hope Amid Addiction:
Al-Anon from a Therapist's Perspective
Addiction is a disease that doesn’t just affect the individual—it impacts entire families and communities. For those who love someone struggling with addiction, the pain, confusion, and helplessness can feel overwhelming. Many family members find themselves asking, How can I help? How can I survive this?
As a therapist, I’ve seen the profound toll addiction takes on loved ones. I've seen marriages on the brink of disaster. I've seen spouses and friends sobbing in pain and confusion when they are at their wits end, trying to help their loved one, but unable to do so. But I’ve also witnessed the hope and healing that organizations like Al-Anon offer. So in today's blog post, let’s explore what Al-Anon is, how it works, and why it can be a transformative resource for those navigating the chaos of addiction.
What Is Al-Anon?
Al-Anon is a support group for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking or substance use. Founded in 1951, it’s a sister program to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), but it focuses specifically on the family and friends of individuals with addiction. Like I mentioned before, it's not just the addict who needs help. Many friends and family members of addicts develop mental health struggles due to their involvement with the addict and their ability to help them get clean and sober.
While it’s easy to assume Al-Anon is about fixing the person struggling with addiction, the focus is actually on the loved one. The program provides tools and community support to help those involved with addicts:
- Manage the emotional impact of addiction.
- Set healthy boundaries.
- Rediscover your own sense of peace and purpose.
The Cycle of Codependency
One of the challenges family members face is the cycle of codependency that often develops in the wake of addiction. It’s natural to want to help your loved one, but this desire can sometimes lead to enabling behaviors, such as:
- Covering up the consequences of their actions.
- Neglecting your own needs to care for them.
- Feeling responsible for their choices or recovery.
- Giving into their requests or demands out of fear of what will happen if you don't
As a therapist, I often explain that while love is a powerful force, it cannot cure addiction. Love can be a great support tool and is often helpful, in a larger sense, to those who are suffering from addiction. Al-Anon helps participants recognize the difference between loving support and enabling, empowering them to step out of the codependency cycle.
How Al-Anon Helps
A Safe Space to Share
Al-Anon meetings provide a judgment-free environment where you can share your experiences with others who truly understand. Many participants describe feeling an immediate sense of relief simply by hearing, You’re not alone. We all want to feel like we aren't the only ones going through this difficulty. And Al-Anon gives that space and validation.Learning Healthy Boundaries
Addiction often blurs boundaries, leaving family members unsure where their responsibility ends and their loved one’s begins. Al-Anon teaches tools for setting boundaries that protect your emotional and physical well-being without guilt. It helps you learn how and when to allow your loved one to learn from their own mistakes, instead of constantly trying to fix, justify, or cover for them.Focusing on Yourself
It’s easy to lose yourself when someone you love is struggling with addiction. Al-Anon shifts the focus back to your needs, encouraging self-care and personal growth. This isn’t about abandoning your loved one—it’s about regaining your strength so you can face challenges with clarity. It's impossible to be truly present and supportive for your loved one if you feel worn down and helpless. Focusing on yourself allows you to regain your strength.Letting Go of Control
A core principle of Al-Anon is recognizing that you cannot control or cure someone else’s addiction. Letting go of this responsibility is freeing and allows you to focus on what you can control: your own actions, thoughts, and emotions. You can't control what your loved one does or doesn't do, nor should you. Often times, your loved one needs to hit their rock bottom before they are ready to make any changes. By letting go of control, essentially you are allowing them ot reach their rock bottom sooner than later.
Therapy and Al-Anon: A Powerful Combination
While Al-Anon offers community and practical tools, therapy can provide deeper, individualized support. Therapy can help you:
- Process feelings of anger, guilt, or grief.
- Understand the dynamics of your relationship with your loved one.
- Develop tailored strategies for managing stress and maintaining boundaries.
Many clients find that the combination of therapy and Al-Anon creates a balanced approach to healing—one that addresses both the personal and relational impacts of addiction. While Al-Anon provides a general and community oriented system of support, individual therapy provides individualized support based on your unique situations.
A Note on Hope
Loving someone with addiction is one of the hardest journeys a person can face. It’s a path marked by uncertainty, but it’s also one that can lead to profound growth and resilience.
Al-Anon reminds us that, even in the midst of chaos, we have the power to reclaim our peace. Healing doesn’t mean giving up on your loved one—it means learning to show up for them in a way that’s healthy, compassionate, and sustainable. And sometimes your loved one will be angry. They won't like the change in the relationship dynamic. But if you're serious about helping them, and truly making a change, then you need to shift the relationship. It will be hard, but there is hope.
If you’re feeling lost, I encourage you to explore Al-Anon as a resource. Attend a meeting, listen to the stories, and allow yourself to be supported. Recovery—for your loved one and for you—is a process, but you don’t have to walk it alone.
Final Thought: Healing is not about fixing someone else—it’s about finding the strength and courage to live your life fully, no matter the circumstances. Al-Anon can help you take that first step.
**It should be noted that I am not affiliated with or compensated by Al-Anon. I have never attended Al-Anon and I may or may not agree with all of their believes and principles.
This is simply a suggested blog topic that you may find helpful if a loved one is struggling with addiction. For more information about Al-Anon, please contact your local Al-Anon group.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
If you are struggling due to a loved one being an addict and you'd like some professional help, you can visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online counseling throughout Tennessee, South Carolina, Florida, & Callifornia
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