8 Tips for Managing Grief & Loss
8 Tips for Managing Grief & Loss
Grief is a journey that can take many shapes, often shifting and evolving over time. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a job, or a significant life change, grief is deeply personal and complex. Many people think of grief just as it relates to losing a loved one. But we can experience grief from any type of loss or significant change. We can experience grief simply when our lives don't go as expected and we have to grief what could have been. As a marriage and family therapist, I have seen how grief affects not only individuals but entire family systems. In this blog post, I'll share some strategies to help you and your loved ones manage grief in a way that honors the loss while fostering healing.
1. Acknowledge the Many Forms of Grief
Grief isn’t always about the loss of a person. It can stem from losing a relationship, a job, a pet, or even a sense of security. As I stated above, grief isn't just about the loss of a loved one to death, but can be the loss of anything important or a loss of what you expected. For some, the slow loss of a friendship, due to time and other factors, can trigger a grief response. It is about the loss of what you've known and what you were expecting. Recognizing and validating the uniqueness of your grief is essential. There’s no need to compare your loss to others or minimize it. Every person's grief and loss is different and every person experiences grief differently. Every loss that impacts you deserves acknowledgment and space.
2. Feel the Feelings — And Then Some
Emotions associated with grief can be intense and unpredictable, ranging from sadness to anger to relief, sometimes all within a day. As a therapist, I've worked with many people who never gave themselves permission to feel their feelings. And now, years later, they are suffering the consequences of keeping it all bottled up. It's okay to have feelings. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Remember that it's okay to feel multiple things at once, and it’s normal for these feelings to come and go. Journaling, reminiscing about positive times, talking to a trusted friend, or meeting with a therapist can help make sense of these emotions.
3. Take Your Time with the Process
Grief has no set timeline. Let me say that again - Grief has no set timeline. While others may expect you to “move on” within a certain timeframe, healing often takes longer than we — or others — anticipate. For many, the grief may be reignited when they experiences "the firsts" - the first Christmas without their loved one, their first vacation without their spouse, etc. These "firsts" happen over time. Be gentle with yourself, and remind loved ones and even friends and colleagues, that your process is unique. Allowing grief to ebb and flow without pressure can foster deeper, long-lasting healing. When a new wave of grief comes upon you, don't ignore, but instead, give it some space.
4. Honor Your Loss Through Rituals and Memories
Creating a ritual or a way to honor what you've lost can be comforting. This could mean lighting a candle, making a scrapbook, or engaging in an activity that connects you to your memories. These rituals create a healthy, ongoing connection to the lost person or experience and help keep their legacy alive. I also think that healthy recollections can be extremely helpful. When working with clients experiencing grief, I often ask them to recount some fond memories of the person or situation they are grieving. Remembering good times helps us to focus on the positive memories of the person or situation, instead of getting stuck in the grief and loss.
5. Engage with Supportive People
Talking about your grief can be a relief, but not everyone will understand or be equipped to support you. Find people who are willing to listen without trying to fix your feelings. Find someone who is able to just listen or perhaps, who has experienced something similar, as they can relate in a way that others might not be able to do. This might include friends, family members, support groups, or a therapist. A therapist is often a good resource because they are a neutral party and aren't experiencing the grief with you, so they can be a better listening or sounding board. Being surrounded by people who accept your grief as it is can provide the validation and comfort you need to continue healing.
6. Mind Your Self-Care
Grief can drain us physically, emotionally, and mentally. Make self-care a priority during this time by ensuring you’re eating, sleeping, and moving your body regularly. Even small steps, like taking a walk or setting a sleep routine, can help stabilize your energy and make daily tasks feel more manageable. I can't stress this tip enough. Even when you don't feel like you can...do it anyway. Make yourself get up and walk or eat something. Or use soothing techniques to help you sleep. If you don't mind your own self-care, then all the negative emotions will be magnified, making you feel even worse. It's not bad or wrong to practice self-care during times of grief.
7. Accept that Grief Comes in Waves
Grief doesn’t “end” as much as it changes over time. It’s common to feel like you’re “over” the worst of it, only to have a memory or anniversary reignite the pain. These waves are natural, and they don’t mean you’ve regressed. Embrace them as reminders of the love or attachment that once existed, while recognizing that you have also gained resilience in managing these emotions. In fact, I can't say that we are ever fully done grieving a loss. These waves of grief can serve as reminders of positive parts of your past. Our past is part of who we are now, so having occasional reminders doesn't have to be bad. As long as you know that grief comes in waves, then you can prepare yourself.
8. Seek Professional Support When Needed
There’s no shame in seeking professional help, especially when grief feels overwhelming or unmanageable. Therapy can offer a safe space to process complex emotions, and a therapist can equip you with tools to cope with your unique situation. Grief counseling, in particular, can help you explore and process your loss in a way that honors your experience. There are also numerous different grief support groups, if you find that a group setting of people who've experienced something similar is helpful.
Maybe you've even heard of the Stages of Grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, & Acceptance, but don't know how to work through them. Or you feel like your grief isn't following the "right" order. There's no right or wrong to the grieving process. Sometimes it looks like a jumbled mess. And that's okay.
Grieving is not about "getting over" a loss but rather learning to live with it in a way that brings peace and growth. Take things one day at a time, and remember that reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness. Grief, when processed in a healthy way, has the power to transform us, deepen our connections with others, and build resilience that serves us for years to come.
If you're looking for some help and support with grief and loss, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
I provide online counseling throughout Tennessee, South Carolina, Florida, & Callifornia
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