7 Practical Tips to Finding Friends in Your 40's (and Beyond!)
7 Practical Tips to Finding Friends in Your 40s (and Beyond!)
As we get older, we realize that making new friends isn't as easy as it used to be. When we were younger we found friends at school, sororities and fraternities, work, or maybe even at bars and clubs. But as we've gotten older our lives have changed, making finding friends as an adult feel like navigating uncharted waters, especially in your 40's and beyond. By this stage, life may be filled with responsibilities like work, family, or caregiving, leaving little time for cultivating new relationships. Or your life may have taken some unexpected turns due to divorce or death. However, meaningful friendships remain vital to our well-being at every age.
Here are some practical tips to help you find and nurture friendships in your 40s.
1. Seek Out & Embrace Shared Interests
The easiest way to meet like-minded people is by pursuing activities you enjoy. Whether it’s joining a book club, taking a yoga class, or participating in community events, shared interests provide a natural foundation for connection. And by doing this, you can still enjoy the activity, even if you don't find a buddy. Or you can kill two birds with one stone, by enjoying an activity AND finding a friend to share the experience with.
Pro Tip: Check local community boards, libraries, or online platforms like Meetup to discover groups that align with your hobbies. Or better yet, consider trying some new activities or hobbies that you've always wanted to try, but haven't yet.
2. Reconnect with Old Friends
Sometimes, forging new friendships can start with revisiting old ones. Reach out to friends from your past—whether from school, college, or early career days. Social media can be a great tool for rekindling these connections. There's nothing saying that we can't reconnect with folks from our past. Time and distance put a lot of perspective on things, and rekindling an old friendship might just be what you needed.
In fact, last year, I reconnected with two friends from college and we ended up spending a girls weekend together celebrating our 50th birthdays. The best part was that there were women that knew me as a young adult and remembered who I was and how that played into who I am today. We were also able to share some of life's heartaches over the past 30 years. And we spent a lot of time reminiscing and laughing!
Pro Tip: Send a simple message like, “I was thinking about you and wondering how you’re doing. Let’s catch up!” Internet & Social Media make it so easy to reconnect now.
3. Get Involved in Your Community
Volunteering for local organizations, attending church groups, or participating in neighborhood activities can help you meet people who share your values. Having friends with similar mindsets, especially in middle age and beyond, is important, as certain topics become more important as we age. Community involvement not only builds friendships but also gives you a sense of belonging and purpose.
Pro Tip: Start small by attending one event or volunteering for a short-term project to test the waters. Such things as local festivals, neighborhood block parties, neighborhood watch groups, or local church activities are usually easy to find.
4. Leverage Your Existing Network
Your current circle—colleagues, neighbors, or parents of your children’s friends—can often lead to meaningful friendships. Be open to deepening these connections by inviting people for coffee, lunch, or a casual get-together. Instead of just exchanging hellos in the parking lot when you pick up your children or on the curb when you grab your mail, consider inviting some of your current extended circle, to lunch or dinner, or a game night at your house. This is a casual way to get to know people, while still being in the comfort zone of your own home.
Pro Tip: Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures, like offering to carpool, offering to pet sit or collect a neighbor's mail while they're on vacation, or organizing a potluck.
5. Be Open to New Experiences
In your 40's & 50's, it’s easy to stick to what feels familiar, but stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to unexpected connections. Attend that art class, try hiking, or join a local sports league. You never know what activities you may end up enjoying and you may find someone else in your same shoes.
I recently moved to a new state and told myself I needed to step outside of my comfort zone to try to learn new things and make some friends, since I knew no one when I moved. I signed up for a local Sourdough Bread Making class, and ended up making a few new friends and learning the versatile skill of making Sourdough Bread. And funny enough, just baking and sharing bread with others, also cultivates friendships, through kindness and exchange of goods.
Pro Tip: Approach new situations with curiosity and a willingness to engage in conversations. For those of us who are introverts by nature, this may take some doing, but it will be worth it in the end. For those who are slow to warm up, perhaps consider just exchaning phone numbers to start with, and connect via text or phone until you feel comfortable taking the next step. Build the friendship at your own pace.
6. Cultivate Intentionality
Building friendships takes effort and consistency. Most friendships don't survive without some effort and engagement, from both sides. Be proactive about following up with people you meet. A simple text or invitation can go a long way in transforming an acquaintance into a friend. Build upon your shared interests or commonalities and see what happens from there.
Pro Tip: Schedule regular check-ins with new friends to build momentum in your relationship. Even if this means setting a reminder on your calendar to do so. Quick check-ins mean more to people than you realize, so take the time to do it on a regular basis.
7. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself
It’s normal to feel a bit awkward or vulnerable when making new friends. Remind yourself that forming deep connections takes time and that everyone is looking for companionship in their own way. Everyone you meet is not going to become your fast and forever friend. And some friendships make take time to grow. Don't expect to have your BFF immediately. But be honest and patient with yourself. And at the same time, don't fake it. Always be yourself, because you can't and don't want to keep up a facade forever.
Pro Tip: Focus on quality over quantity; even one or two close friendships can make a big difference in your life. As us Introverts know, having a few really good friends can be so much more meaningful than having lots of casual friends. But having a little of both can be good too. But focus on quality.
The Joy of Friendship in Your 40's & 50's
Finding friends in your 40's & 50's can be a rewarding experience that adds depth and joy to your life. By staying open, proactive, and patient, you can build connections that not only enrich your current stage of life but also carry you into the years ahead.
And for those who have managed to maintain some lifelong friendships lasting for decades, count your blessings, but don't be afraid to add a few people here and there.
What strategies have you found helpful for making friends in midlife? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
If you'd like to receive individual counseling, perhaps about midlife stressors or in your marriage relationship, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.
If you'd like to listen to the Married & Confused Podcast episode on this topic, please click here.
You can also listen to all the episodes of the Married & Confused Podcast on your favorite podcast platform by searching for Married & Confused Podcast.
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