8/24 - Therapy Not Working? Here’s What to Do Next

 


Therapy Not Working? Here’s What to Do Next

Tips on What to Explore When Your Therapy Progress Feels Stuck

Therapy can be life-changing — but let’s be honest, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. You might find yourself wondering, “Is this even helping?” or, “Why do I still feel stuck after all this time?”

If you're in that place, you're not alone — and you're not doing anything wrong. Therapy is not a linear process. Sometimes, hitting a plateau is part of the journey. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck.

And in all transparency, there are times that your therapist feels this same way about your sessions.  They may feel that they're not sure what to do next or where to focus.  There's nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, or perhaps diving deeper.

Here are some steps you can take when therapy doesn’t seem to be working:


1. Check In With Yourself First

Before assuming therapy isn’t helping, pause and ask yourself:

  • Have I been open and honest in sessions?

    • Sometimes it's hard to open up to a stranger, so you aren't always as open or honest as you could be.  And then, once you've been in therapy long enough, and you feel comfortable with your therapist, it feels weird to go back to a past subject and expand further.  But you know there's more to discuss and uncover.
    • Your therapist won't mind at all.  In fact they understand that sometimes it takes time to build rapport and trust.  It's common to revisit topics that were previously discussed.  Just tell you therapist that you'd like to go back to a specific topic, as you have more information to share or because you feel more comfortable now.  There's no judgement.  Your therapist just wants to help you.
  • Have I tried applying the insights or tools between sessions?

    • This is a common pitfall.  People often think the work of therapy only takes place in the therapy room or on the couch.  But in reality, that's only part of the equation.  You'll find that applying what you learned in session, in between sessions, can drastically help improv things.
    • Your therapist may assign you "homework" or ask you to try on the tools or strategies they shared with you during your session.  This isn't just to pawn work off on you.  It's to help you practice and learn and see if certain strategies work for you.  It is designed to give you the opportunity to practice new skills in real life scenarios, not just role play.  
  • Am I expecting immediate or dramatic results?

    • For some people, they see therapy as a magic pill, with an instant cure.  They expect to feel noticeably better after just one or two sessions.  What you need to remember is that you didn't develop whatever issue you're struggling with, overnight, so it's unlikely it can be fixed overnight either.
    • Usually the first session or two is focused on the therapist getting to know you a bit and gathering information to better understand what you're seeking therapy for.
    • And sometimes, results may be small, but impactful.  Set aside your expectations.  Or ask your therapist what to expect.

Therapy often works in subtle ways over time. Progress might look like fewer breakdowns, quicker recoveries, or more awareness — not necessarily feeling “fixed” right away. That said, if it truly feels stagnant, it’s okay to dig deeper.

Therapy also may "work" in waves, where your progress is noticeable for a while, and then you feel stuck.  That could be because you, your body, and your brain have gotten more accustomed to the new "normal".  If that's the case, let your therapist know, so they know it's time to dig a little deeper and assist you with whatever the next steps might be.  Sometimes you can't move on to the next step until you've gotten settled in the first step.  Therapy is often progressive, with progress building upon itself.


2. Talk to Your Therapist About Feeling Stuck

It might feel awkward, but naming your concerns out loud can shift everything. Try saying:

  • “I feel like I’m not making the progress I hoped for — can we talk about that?”

    • Your therapist will likely appreciate this bit of information.  They don't always know that you aren't feeling like progress is being made.  They rely on you to tell them how you're feeling.  Or they may say the same to you, to help you consider anything else that you haven't shared, that would be helpful in moving the therapy along.
  • “Is there a different approach we could try?”

    • Many therapists practice various therapeutic methods, but may have been only utilizing one method with you thus far.  Don't feel afraid to ask them if they have other methods they might be able to try.  Or if they don't, perhaps they could recommend someone who offers a different type of therapy.
  • “I’m wondering if we’ve hit a plateau — what do you think?”

    • Your therapist may be feeling it too, but hasn't asked.  But you are in control of your sessions.  If you feel that you've hit a plateau, tell your therapist.  
    • By telling your therapist, it can help them either redirect the therapy or assess your progress to determine if a break is appropriate.  It never hurts to have the conversation.

A good therapist won’t be offended. In fact, most will welcome the conversation and be able to collaborate with you on a new direction.  A good therapist simply wants you to get better or work through your identified issues, even if that means referring you to someone else with a different specialty.  Therapy should never be about the therapist, but should always be focused on you, as the client, and making sure your needs are being met.


3. Explore Other Modalities

Not all therapy styles work for every person or every issue. If talk therapy isn't cutting it, consider:

  • EMDR for trauma and stuck memories

  • IFS (Internal Family Systems) for parts work and emotional conflict

  • Somatic therapy for body-based healing

  • Solution-Focused Therapy for action steps and short-term goals

  • Art, music, or movement therapy if verbal processing feels limiting or you consider yourself more of a "creative"

Sometimes, healing requires a different door to walk through.  Sometimes healing comes from receiving help through several different modalities.


4. Consider Your Fit With the Therapist

Even if you love your therapist as a person, they may not be the right fit for what you need right now. If you don’t feel safe, seen, or fully understood, it’s okay to explore other options.

Signs it might be time to switch:

  • You feel judged or dismissed

    • You should never feel judged or dismissed by your therapist.  However, try as they might, therapists sometimes allow their personal feelings or biases to seep into their therapeutic sessions.  
    • If it only happens on occasion, but you otherwise feel comfortable with your therapist, then I strongly encourage you to bring it up with them.  They may not have even recognized that their personal feelings had entered the session, or they may have been having an "off" day themselves.
    • But if feeling judged or dismissed is the "norm", then you should consider finding a new therapist that more closely aligns with your values and beliefs.
  • The therapist frequently forgets key details

    • While your therapist is only a human, just like you, it is also fair to expect them to remember important details about your or your situation.  
    • If you otherwise have good rapport with your therapist, then bring it to their attention or gently ask them to write down certain things to help them remember.  Therapists generally want to do right by their clients, so if they aren't remembering the important stuff, just let them know.  
    • But if your routinely feel like they missed huge pieces of important information, then it stands to reason that, for whatever reason, they aren't really listening or aren't engaged.  Most therapists have types of clients they work well with and types of clients that they just don't click as well with.  If that's the case, don't take it personally.  Find someone who does.  You deserve to feel comfortable with your therapist and that they are truly present for you during your session.
  • You leave sessions more confused or defeated than when you arrived

    • This sounds like you and  your therapist just aren't a good match.  You have different communication styles or expectations.  
    • I would recommend mentioning it to your therapist, in case there is something that can be done differently.  But otherwise, it would be wise to find someone else sooner than later, so that you can get the help you deserve.  Your therapist can help you by providing some referrals.
  • There’s little structure or no clear goals

    • This often depends on what your presenting problem was when you started therapy, as well as your therapist's theoretical orientation.  Some people work well with minimal structure and others need a lot of structure and distinct goals.  
    • When you first meet with your therapist, this should be something you ask about.  It's good to have an understanding of how your therapist conducts their sessions and to let them know what works best for you.  This helps you determine, up front, if you and the therapist will be a good match.

It’s not a failure if you “break up” with your therapist — it’s an empowered step toward the right support.  You deserve to get the help you need, from the therapist most appropriate to meet YOUR needs.


5. Look at Life Outside the Therapy Room

Sometimes therapy is fine — it’s life that needs adjusting. Ask yourself:

  • Am I sleeping, eating, or moving in ways that support me?

    • Your personal habits should be supportive of you and of your therapy.  If you are learning lots of new skills, strategies, or coping mechanisms, yet changing nothing in your daily habits, then it stands to reason that you may not see the full effects of your therapy.  
    • Make sure you are attending holistically to your needs.  Things like sleep, diet, and exercise can make a huge difference in your mood.
  • Am I in toxic relationships or environments that block my growth?

    • Sometimes we may learn all the skills and strategies to make improvements in ourselves, but we can't control those around us.  If we change and our relationships and environments can't or won't adjust to the change, then it's likely that they are unhealthy and need to be let go.  
    • It's common that when one person make major life changes, especially if it comes to developing personal boundaries, it means other people in their lives can no longer treat them the same way they always have.  Sometimes those people fall into line with the changes you've made or boundaries you've set.  Other times, it becomes all too clear that the relationship only works for them, when you act like your "old" self.  They can't tolerate the new and improved version.
  • Am I isolating or avoiding necessary changes?

    •  This is a common reason for feeling stuck.  We get afraid.  We are conditioned to be "comfortable" with what we know and change feels scary, while even at the same time, we desperately want to "get better".  
    • Lean into your fear.  Let your therapist know how you're feeling.  Let them know that you're having a hard time implementing the necessary changes or that you're avoiding doing the very things that would be helpful to you.  They will work closely with you to get through these bumps in the road.

Therapy works best when it’s paired with real-world action. If life outside the session is draining you, that might be why therapy feels ineffective.

When in doubt, tell your therapist.  Their job is to help you however they can.


6. Take a Short Break or Reframe Your Goals

You might not need to quit therapy — just pause, reset, and come back with fresh intention. Use the break to:

  • Reflect on your progress so far

    • In my work with clients, I usually reflect on their progress with them, every so often.  I've found that it's too easy to forget how far they've come, especially when they start to feel stuck.  So I simply remind them.  Or help them remember.  Often that is enough for them to get "unstuck".
    • But if you find that you need a break to reflect on your progress and where you'd like to see yourself going forward, don't hesitate to ask for a break to re-assess and reframe your goals.
  • Reconnect with your “why” for seeking therapy

    • Sometimes, after being in therapy for a long period of time, you lose sight of why you sought therapy in the first place.  It's helpful to occasionally look back at what you were looking for when you first started therapy, and ask yourself if you've received that OR if there is now a different "why" for you.  
    • Perhaps you've reached your initial goals and answered your "why", but you still feel like you need help.  It could just be that you have another concern or "why" that needs to be addressed.  It doesn't hurt to start over with a new presenting problem.  
  • Reassess what goals feel most urgent now

    • Sometimes what seems really urgent at the start, begins to take a back seat to other more pressing issues in your life.  I mean, life happens.  But your therapist may not realize that your priorities have shifted, so they have continued on the same path that you started on together.   If this is the case, let your therapist know that you'd like to re-prioritize for while.

Sometimes, clarity comes when we step back and breathe.  It never hurts to take a pause.


7. Trust That Seeking Help Was Still a Good Step

Even if the results haven’t looked like you imagined, starting therapy was a courageous, healthy choice. Hitting a stuck point doesn’t erase the effort you’ve made — it just means the next step might look different than you expected.

You’re not broken. You’re growing. And growth often comes with detours.


Final Thoughts

Therapy is not a magic fix — but it can be a powerful tool for transformation when paired with honesty, curiosity, and a willingness to pivot when needed.

If you’re feeling stuck, don’t give up on the process — just explore your next right step.

You might be one change away from breakthrough.


If you'd like to see any of my other previous blog posts, please click here.


If you are interested in receiving therapy and would like some professional help, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.


I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.


Instagram - @brittaniedmillslmft
Phone - (925) 335-6122


Comments

Popular Posts