8/17 - Back to School, Back to Us: 5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage as the School Year Begins
Back to School, Back to Us:
5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage as the School Year Begins
,The start of a new school year is often met with sharpened pencils, new iPads, fresh routines, and a whirlwind of logistics. But amid the lunch-packing and carpool planning, there’s something that often gets quietly pushed to the back burner: your marriage.
As married couples—especially those with school-aged children—it’s easy to slip into “business mode.” The hustle and bustle of "Back to School" takes over the entire household. You become task managers, calendar coordinators, problem-solvers, and chauffeurs. And while all of that is important, it can also create a slow emotional drift between you and your spouse.
So how can you make sure to protect your marital connection while juggling the demands of a new school year? After all, it will just be the two of you after everyone has graduated and left home.
Here are a few intentional ways to strengthen your marriage during this season of transition:
1. Have a Weekly Check-In
With so much on your plate, it’s crucial to set aside a regular time each week to check in with each other—not just about logistics, but emotionally and spiritually.
Ask questions like:
- What's on the schedule in the upcoming week?
- This ensures that both parents, and perhaps even the children (depending on age) be prepared for what to expect that week.
- This allows for looking ahead to see what appointments or activities are on the calendar and who needs to be where and when
- And this gives a sense of stability and structure, so there are no surprises. This is particularly helpful for parents or children with ADHD.
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Is there anything you need support with?
- This is an opportunity for you and your spouse to check in with each other to see how you can best support each other during the week. For example, on one night, the wife may have a tight schedule, due to having to take a few of the children to lessons/sports practices, so she may need the husband's help to take care of dinner that night. Or maybe the husband needs the wife to pack his lunch for him the night before, so that he can grab and go the next morning. Or it could be as simple as one spouse asking the other spouse to make a phone call about a bill or an appointment.
- This also shows that both of you are in this relationship together and it's about teamwork, not everyone chaotically fending for themselves.
- If you have teenage children, you could include them as well, as you may need to ask for their assistance with transportation or cooking meals.
How are you feeling this week, or during this season of life?
- Asking this question can be a helpful gauge for how your spouse is managing. If they have something stressful on their mind or if they aren't quite feeling as good as usual, it's helpful to know. Once you have this information, you can plan accordingly without being resentful.
- This also opens the door to some more personal one on one conversations. Even in the busyness of life, you can't ignore each other's moods, feelings, and needs. And by asking this question, you may come across some topics that need to be explored further.
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How can I pray for you this week?
- If you are a family of faith, then this question should be a given. Both spouses should be regularly praying for one another. But this question allows your prayers to be even more specific to the needs of your spouse.
Treat this check-in like an appointment. Put it on the calendar. Protect it. Without being intentional about setting aside time for this check-in, it's too easy to "forget" about it or dismiss it. My recommendation is to do it on Sunday afternoon or evening, as you prepare for the week ahead. As you children get older, such as 10+, you can include them in part of the meeting, as well, so they have a voice AND an awareness of what to expect during the week. I find that, for many people, knowing the plan ahead of time reduces a lot of anxiety.
2. Divide and Conquer—Together
Rather than assuming roles or defaulting to “who usually does what,” take a fresh look at the school year ahead and intentionally divide responsibilities based on capacity and gifting. Maybe one of you handles school paperwork, while the other manages sports sign-ups. Or maybe the division of tasks will vary week by week, based on work schedules or other commitments.
I frequently suggest having a large calendar for the entire family and noting upcoming appointments, meal plans, or transportation arrangements. For some, using color coding on a white board calendar is helpful, so you can see, at a glance, who is doing what, when, and where. You can leave space for family members to add to the grocery list, so that whomever is able to stop by the store, knows what is needed.
Who will do what each week, can be a priority discussion at the weekly check-in.
Clarity and teamwork reduce resentment and foster unity.
3. Build Margin for “Us” Time
It’s tempting to fill every moment with school events, homework, and errands. But what would it look like to protect even one small window of time for each other, every night (or at least most nights)? This might just be setting aside 15-30 minutes every night to chat with each other about how your day went.
And you can also schedule something a little more than a few minutes, such as a lunch date or a 30-minute walk after dinner. Having time designated for the two of you is important.
And of course, I'm also going to suggest "date night". For couples with busy lives, this is incredibly important. This is how you ensure that you don't lose your relationship connection. I recommend doing this at least once a month, if not twice. It doesn't need to be anything fancy, expensive, or extravagant. It could just mean getting someone to watch the children and the two of you going to dinner at Applebees. Or it could be a movie, a hike, or anything else that the two of you enjoy doing together. But it's important to have alone time for the two of you together.
Maintaining "us" time can go a long way in reminding you that you’re not just co-parents—you’re partners.
4. Celebrate Small Wins
Whether it’s surviving the first week of school or finally getting the children to bed on time, celebrate together. A toast with sparkling water, a late-night laugh about how chaotic the morning was—these tiny shared moments build intimacy and help you keep perspective.
I know it sounds small and simple, but these small gesture of connectivity are what keep marriages together. Just because life is busy or the children have lots of activities, doesn't mean that the connection between husband and wife needs to vanish. And laughter is some of the best medicine. It's good to keep a sense of humor.
5. Pray Together for Your Family
Back-to-school season is full of change and challenges—not just for your children, but for your marriage too. For families of faith, start your mornings or end your nights with a quick prayer together. It doesn’t have to be long or fancy. Just a moment to pause, align your hearts, and invite God into your schedule.
Final Thought:
Back-to-school doesn’t have to mean back-to-busy and disconnected. With a little intentionality, this season can be a beautiful time to realign your marriage, grow in teamwork, and remind yourselves why you’re in this together.
As the backpacks get packed and the alarms go off earlier, don’t forget to nurture the most important relationship in your home: the one between you and your spouse.
This blog post is a companion to this week's episode of the Married & Confused Podcast, hosted by me and my colleague, Claudia Delgado, LCSW. To hear this episode of the podcast, you can click on the Married & Confused Podcast link below.
If you'd like to read any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
If you feel like there may already be some disconnect between you and your spouse OR you'd like to proactively make sure that doesn't happen and you'd like to begin couples counseling, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com.
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout California, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Florida.
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