11/30 - Gearing Up for the Holidays: Finding Peace, Not Perfection
Gearing Up for the Holidays:
Finding Peace, Not Perfection
We are right at the doorstep of December and that means the Christmas season is here — the lights are twinkling, the calendars are filling up, and the to-do lists are starting to look like small novels. Between the shopping, cooking, decorating, and trying to squeeze in one more holiday event, it’s easy to forget what this season is really meant to be about: peace, connection, and joy.
But let’s be honest — sometimes the holidays bring more pressure than peace. So before the full holiday whirlwind begins, let’s take a deep breath and talk about a few ways to gear up for the holidays without losing your sanity (or your sense of humor).
🎁 1. Set the Tone Before the Tinsel
You are the one who sets the emotional thermostat in your home. If you’re rushing around, stressed, or irritable, or grumpy, everyone else starts to feel it too. And I'm sure that's not what you want Christmas to be about. I'm sure you'd rather have a peaceful, joyful holiday, surrounded by the people you love. When you pause, breathe, and invite calm into the room, it spreads.
Before the holidays begin, ask yourself:
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What kind of atmosphere do I want to create this year?
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What really matters most to me and my family?
Start there — not with the Pinterest boards or the Hallmark movie expectations, but with your heart. And if that means saying "no" to some events or invitations, then so be it.
🕯️ 2. Choose Connection Over Chaos
It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle — the travel plans, gift lists, cooking & baking, and “we have to be at three different family gatherings in one day.” But what if this year you said “no” to overcommitment and “yes” to connection?
Make time for simple moments:
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Hot cocoa together in front of the warm fireplace, after a long day.
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An evening drive to look at Christmas lights in your neighborhood or town.
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A quiet prayer before bed, thanking God for the people you love.
Those are the moments you’ll remember long after the wrapping paper and pine needles are gone.
🍪 3. Plan for People, Not Perfection
Let’s face it — the holidays rarely go as planned. Someone forgets a gift. The pie burns. A family conversation gets tense. It's not the way you planned it, but stuff happens and it is what it is. That doesn't mean all is ruined.
Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for present. Be flexible, laugh off the small stuff, and remember that relationships matter more than routines. Just think, this will be something to tell stories about someday.
Perfection might impress people, but presence connects them.
💬 4. Protect Your Peace
The holidays can bring up old family patterns, stress about finances, or pressure to please everyone. Sometimes you're just so busy, you're too exhausted to actually enjoy the season. Protect your peace this year by setting gentle boundaries ahead of time — with your time, your energy, and even your expectations.
It’s okay to say:
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“We’d love to come, but we can’t make it this year.”
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“Let’s keep gifts simple.” or "Let just get gifts for the children, not all the adults."
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“We’re focusing on rest this weekend.”
You don’t have to attend every event or buy the biggest gifts to make it meaningful. Your peace is a gift, too.
❤️ 5. Keep Your Marriage Grounded
For couples, the holidays can be both joyful and… stressful. Before the season gets too busy, take time to check in with each other. Set aside time to talk and spend time alone together. Create joint boundaries on how you want to "spend" your energy this year.
Ask:
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What are you most looking forward to this season?
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What usually stresses you out around the holidays?
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How can we make sure we stay connected through it all?
Being intentional now can prevent resentment and miscommunication later. A united front makes the holidays feel lighter — and a lot more fun.
🌟 Final Thought
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. In fact, sometimes it's the mistakes that make it interesting. I still chuckle at the memory of the year my step mother burnt the Prime Rib on Christmas Eve! Thank goodness the deli/meat market she bought it from was kind enough to let her have theirs, already cooked and ready to go.
As you gear up for the season, remember: joy isn’t found in the glitter or the gifts — it’s found in gratitude, laughter, and love shared with those who matter most. Make the most of the season, whatever that looks like.
So, take a deep breath, pour a cup of something warm, and step into this season with peace in your heart and grace for yourself (and everyone else).
From my heart to yours, may your holidays be filled with warmth, laughter, and the kind of joy that doesn’t fade when the decorations come down. Merry Christmas!
If you'd like to read any of my previous blog posts, please click here and click on the Blog tab.
If you're interested in receiving couples or individual therapy to help you get through the holidays and beyond, please visit my website to schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com
I provide online individual and couples counseling throughout Tennessee, California, South Carolina, and Florida.
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