The Power of Presence
Does it feel like you're living in a world that never seems to stop. Days are filled with to-do lists, notifications, and the ever-present pressure to be productive. In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life. In this digital age, it's gotten easier and easier to "build" friendships and have meetings virtually, to the point that we've been lulled into thinking that the virtual interactions can truly replace in person interactions. We're often distracted by work, technology, and our own thoughts, leaving little room for genuine connection with others. Yet, one of the most profound gifts we can offer another person is our full, undivided presence.
What Does It Mean to Be Present with Others?
Being present with someone means truly engaging with them, mind and body. It’s about setting aside distractions, focusing on the person in front of you, and actively participating in the interaction. This kind of presence is more than just being physically there; it’s about being emotionally and mentally available, fully attuned to the other person. It's about showing the other person that they are important to you.
As a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how harmful the lack of presence can be. Many of my clients, especailly couples, come to me feeling isolated, unheard, or disconnected from those around them, usually their partner. Often, the root of this disconnection is not a lack of love or care, but a lack of presence. When we’re not fully present with others, even well-intentioned relationships can feel shallow or unsatisfying. Clients often express that they don't feel seen or heard by their partner, leaving them feeling unloved.
Why Is Being Present with Others So Important?
Deepening Emotional Connections: When you’re truly present with someone, you create a space for deeper emotional connection. It’s in these moments of presence that trust is built, vulnerabilities are shared, and relationships are strengthened. Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or a family member, being present allows you to connect on a more meaningful level. It demonstrates to the other person that you value them and what they have to say is important to you. It's almost impossible to build a strong relationship without having the deep emotional connection found by taking the time to be present with and for each other.
Building Empathy and Understanding: Being present with someone means listening—not just to their words, but to the emotions behind them. It’s about being curious, asking questions, and really trying to understand their perspective. This kind of active listening fosters empathy and helps you to better support the people in your life. This also include the practice of Reflective Listening, where we listen, not just to hear the other person, but to understand. When we slow down and take the time to be present and truly listen, we often find that we hear things we never heard before and understand our partner's perspective so much more. Once that happens, not only do we have a deeper connection, but we are better able to work through conflict or communication difficulties.
Improving Communication: How often do we find ourselves only half-listening in conversations, paying attention to a TikTok video or a text from a friend, or thinking about what we're going to make for dinner, or worst yet, already thinking about what we’re going to say next? Or, we hear something that causes us to get defensive, and then our minds shift gears to how we're going to refute or respond to that triggering comment. When we are listening to fully understand the other person, we aren't concerned with how it makes us feel, but how they are feeling. When we’re present, we can fully absorb what the other person is saying, leading to clearer and more effective communication. Misunderstandings decrease, and conversations become more fruitful.
Creating a Sense of Belonging: When you’re present with someone, you send a powerful message: “You matter to me.” This sense of being valued and seen is fundamental to human relationships. It creates a sense of belonging and security that is essential for emotional well-being. I can't tell you how often, when counseling couples, I hear one or both partners say something along the lines of, "They just don't seem to care about me or about how I feel." It's a common problem for both men and women, alike. One of our most innate human needs is to feel like we matter. Being fully present allows us to show the person we're with that they are important to us.
Deepening Emotional Connections: When you’re truly present with someone, you create a space for deeper emotional connection. It’s in these moments of presence that trust is built, vulnerabilities are shared, and relationships are strengthened. Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or a family member, being present allows you to connect on a more meaningful level. It demonstrates to the other person that you value them and what they have to say is important to you. It's almost impossible to build a strong relationship without having the deep emotional connection found by taking the time to be present with and for each other.
Building Empathy and Understanding: Being present with someone means listening—not just to their words, but to the emotions behind them. It’s about being curious, asking questions, and really trying to understand their perspective. This kind of active listening fosters empathy and helps you to better support the people in your life. This also include the practice of Reflective Listening, where we listen, not just to hear the other person, but to understand. When we slow down and take the time to be present and truly listen, we often find that we hear things we never heard before and understand our partner's perspective so much more. Once that happens, not only do we have a deeper connection, but we are better able to work through conflict or communication difficulties.
Improving Communication: How often do we find ourselves only half-listening in conversations, paying attention to a TikTok video or a text from a friend, or thinking about what we're going to make for dinner, or worst yet, already thinking about what we’re going to say next? Or, we hear something that causes us to get defensive, and then our minds shift gears to how we're going to refute or respond to that triggering comment. When we are listening to fully understand the other person, we aren't concerned with how it makes us feel, but how they are feeling. When we’re present, we can fully absorb what the other person is saying, leading to clearer and more effective communication. Misunderstandings decrease, and conversations become more fruitful.
Creating a Sense of Belonging: When you’re present with someone, you send a powerful message: “You matter to me.” This sense of being valued and seen is fundamental to human relationships. It creates a sense of belonging and security that is essential for emotional well-being. I can't tell you how often, when counseling couples, I hear one or both partners say something along the lines of, "They just don't seem to care about me or about how I feel." It's a common problem for both men and women, alike. One of our most innate human needs is to feel like we matter. Being fully present allows us to show the person we're with that they are important to us.
5 Practical Ways to Be More Present with Others
Developing presence in your relationships takes intention and practice. Here are some practical steps you can take to be more present with the people in your life:
Put Away Distractions: In a world full of distractions, it’s important to consciously set them aside when you’re with someone. This means putting your phone away, turning off the TV, and giving the person your full attention. And because it's so easy to get re-distracted, I would encourage you to put the phone on silent, in another room, so you aren't tempted to look at it when you get another notification. And turn the TV off, not just muted and not just looking away, but off. If necessary, go in another room to talk. Ideally, couples in particular, should set aside some time every day to talk with each other without distractions, even if it's just for a brief catch up on their days. It even helps to sit facing each other. These small actions can have a huge impact on the quality of your interactions.
Practice Active Listening: When someone is speaking to you, focus entirely on what they’re saying. Avoid the temptation to plan your response while they’re talking. Instead, listen deeply, and respond thoughtfully. This shows that you value their thoughts and are fully engaged in the conversation. You can also practice Reflective Listening, which is similar, but in which you reflect back to the other person, the essence of what you heard them say, as a way to seek confirmation that you heard and understood correctly. (If you want to read more about Reflective Listening, click here.)
Be Mindful of Body Language: Presence is communicated not just through words, but through body language. Don't turn your back to the other person, roll your eyes, or make deep sighs. Instead, make eye contact, nod, and use open, inviting gestures. These nonverbal cues show that you are fully present and interested in the other person.
Pause and Reflect: Sometimes, the best way to be present is to pause. Before responding in a conversation, take a moment to reflect on what was said. This not only gives you time to think, but it also shows the other person that you’re taking their words seriously. This goes in conjunction with Reflective Listening. By pausing, it allows your to slow down and really digest and process what the other person had to say. Take this time to think through the thoughts and emotions they were expressing.
Show Genuine Curiosity: Ask open-ended questions and show a genuine interest in the other person’s experiences, thoughts, and feelings. This deepens the conversation and allows for a richer exchange of ideas and emotions. This also gives you the opportunity to better understand the other person AND their feelings, allowing for improved conversations and interactions in the future.
The Impact of Presence on Relationships
When we’re present with others, we open the door to deeper, more fulfilling relationships. We create a space where people feel valued, heard, and understood. This kind of presence can transform relationships, turning ordinary moments into meaningful connections.
In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen how powerful it is when people bring presence into their relationships. Marriages that felt disconnected begin to flourish, friendships grow stronger, and families find new ways to connect. Being present isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about the small, everyday moments where you choose to show up fully for the people you care about.
A Call to Connection
I often remind my clients that being present with others is one of the most meaningful ways we can show love and care. It doesn’t require anything special—just your attention, your willingness to listen, and your intention to connect. In fact, I will often have clients practice "presence" in our sessions together, where I have them face each other and talk directly to each other, instead of "relaying" information through me, as the middle man.
So, next time you’re with someone you care about, try to be fully there. Put away the distractions, listen with your whole heart, and engage in the moment. You might be surprised at the depth of connection and understanding that arises.
In a world that often pulls us in a million different directions, being present with others is a radical act of love. It’s a way of saying, “You matter to me, and I’m here for you.” And in that simple, powerful act, you can transform not only your relationships but also your own experience of life.
I provide online couples and individual counseling throughout Tennessee, South Carolina, Florida, & California.
If you'd like to see any of my previous blog posts, please click here.
Website - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com
Email - bdmills@brittaniedmillslmft.com
Phone - (925) 335-6122
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/brittaniedmillslmft
Instagram - @brittanedmillslmft
Comments
Post a Comment