This Therapist's Therapy

Relational Equity is the equivalent of money in the bank.  In a relationship, we build up equity with affirmation, kindness, love, support, encouragement, honesty, and vulnerability.  We need to deposit more than we withdraw.  However, by building up enough relational equity, it makes space for the hard truths and difficult conversations.  If we have enough relational "money in the bank", then there is grace for real talk, honest conversations.  It's important to always be mindful of our relational account balances with our spouse/partner, so we know when and if we can make a withdrawal or if we need to make more deposits.  It's always wise to make sure there's never a negative balance. If you'd like more direct and personal help with improving communication or harmony in your relationships, please visit my website and schedule a free 15 minute consultation - www.brittaniedmillslmft.com . I provide online couples and individual counseling throughout California

 Should We Get Couples Counseling? One of the most common things I hear from people who are seeking couples' counseling is  "We have communication issues."   Well what does that mean?   For most people, it means that they haven't learned how to communicate in a way in which the other person can truly hear them.  It also means they haven't learned how to listen to understand instead of listening to respond.  There's a big difference! Most of us, when in a difficult conversation or argument, immediately get defensive.   It's a normal human response.  But it's not a healthy response.  And it's one of the main things that causes "communication issues" with couples. So what do you do to fix it? There are several strategies you can try: 1)  Reflective Listening 2)  Time Outs 3) Over-Communicating Reflective Listening   is allowing your partner to share what's on their mind, what's bothering them, without interruption.  It is truly liste

   Lately I've been thinking a lot about God's calling for my life.  I know He called me me to be a therapist in private practice, helping people through difficult times in their lives. This has been clear to me since I was in the 8th grade.  Over the years, God has given me vision and direction on what He wants me to do with the gift He's given me.   I struggle with whether I want to market myself as a Christian Counselor or as a Therapist who is a Christian and has a faith based practice.  However you see me or view my practice, it's important to know that I grew up in a Christian family and have been a Christian, a follower of Christ since a very young age.  This influences who I am, how I act, and how I respond to clients.  It calls me to be humble and kind.  It calls me to be empathetic and honest.   I never push Christianity, religion, or faith on any clients.  I understand it has to be a choice, not something that is pushed on you, especially in a space such as 

  Welcome Back, Everyone!  Wait....you weren't gone, I was.  I took a vacation with my husband to celebrate our birthdays.  The cruise we had originally planned was cancelled, due to COVID, but we took some time to go enjoy nature, hiking in the redwoods. But let's go ahead and jump back into learning about respect.  We'll be covering tips # 61 - 70 today. 61)  If you break something that belongs to the other person, fix it (or replace it). That just seems like common courtesy to me.  It reminds me of the Proverb, "Do unto others as you would like done to you."  Treat others the way that you'd like to be treated in a similar situation.  The other person shouldn't have to pay the cost of your mistake.  To fix or replace it, shows the other person that you care about them and their belonging to make things right.  Otherwise, all you're saying with your actions (or inactions), is that the other person doesn't mean much to you at all and their belongin

  Thank you for continuing to join me on this series about respect.  This week, I had a few moments with my husband when I realized that, in that moment, I was not following some of these tips about respect.  I found myself interrupting him and not always considering his opinion.  So, again, I'm glad that we can take this the journey together. Let's look at the next 10 tips: 51)  Make the other person's favorite meals regularly (This applies primarily to married couples or domestic partners) This is a way to show that you have listened.  You know what they like.  Also, they often say that food is the way to a person's heart.  If that's true ,then making the other person's favorite meals is a way show your respect. 52)  Ask the other person for advice on the things you're dealing with. This goes along with some of the other things we've discussion, but if you're having a hard time with something or tryin to make a difficult decision, ask the other per

I hope that you all had a fantastic New Year!  Thanks for coming back for Part 5 of my series on RESPECT.   The cool thing about doing a blog is that, while I am writing information to share with all of you, I find myself learning things as well.  And I would consider myself a lifelong learner, so I love it!  I love learning with you all. So let's get started... 41)  Take care of yourself physically - get rest, exercise, and eat right. There is no better way to show that you respect yourself and other more than taking care of yourself.  It shows that you know you are worth it...to yourself and others.  Not to mention, like I've said before, this is like putting your oxygen mask first, in a plane crash, before helping others put theirs on.  You are important. 42)  Find out what "support" looks like to others and do the stuff that matters to them. Think of the people in your family, your colleagues/co-workers, and other folks you spend time with.  Find out what they see

  It's been great going through these tips with you, because it's also a reminder for myself.  It's easy to slide into old habits, which aren't always the most respectful.  And, with a new year coming, I'd like to make sure I focus on respecting others. So, let's dive in... 31)  Don't just launch into conversation, but say the other person's name and then ask if they have a few minutes to talk about something.   I am guilty of just launching into conversation ALL.THE. TIME.  And when I stop and think about it, it really is very disrespectful, to the other person, and even to myself.  We we just jump into talking, it assumes the other person is ready at attention, waiting for you to speak to them, hanging on your every word.  It doesn't take into the account whatever the other person may be doing or involved in, but instead seems to demand that you are the only thing worthy of their time in that moment.  It also shows a lack of respect for yourself, i