This Therapist's Therapy

  Couples Communication Tip #5 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  This is the last tip in this series of Couples Communication Tips. Today's tip is about Oversharing .  This is about being direct and communicating with your partner about what you need. You've heard it before, that your partner can't read your mind.  Well, unfortunately, no matter how long you've been together, your partner cannot read your mind . In order to avoid some arguments, fights, and miscommunications, you need to overshare. Tell your partner exactly what you need or expect Wives, your husband doesn't automatically know you'd love for him to wash the dishes in the sink, or take out the trash when it's full.  Husbands, you wive doesn't automatically know that you'd like 30 to relax when you get home from work, just to unwind, before engaging with her and the kids.   Trust me, I've been a victim of this way of thinkin

  In Part 4  of this series on How to Manage Anxiety ,  we talked about Exercise/Movement. What types of exercies or movement did YOU do this week?  Tell us about it! Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share some tips on how to manage anxiety Maybe you're in a Leadership or Executive Level and you're excelling at your job, but deep inside, every day is a battle within yourself.  Maybe you're a wife, mom, and career woman, and sometimes things just get overwhelming. Today we'll look at an ongoing way in which you can manage your anxiety - Practicing Gratitude. I can't say enough on how much an "Attitude of Gratitude" can really help with mood and anxiety.   It sounds so simple. I encourage you, each morning, as you start the day, to think of three things you are grateful for.  These can be small things or bigger things.  From, "I'm grateful for my cat, because he likes to snuggle on my lap while I watch t.v.". to "I am grateful for

  Communication Tips for Couples #4 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some basic communication tips for couples.   Today's tip is about "I" Statements.  This can be a very effective communication strategy, because it doesn't put the other person immediately on the defensive.  And, in fact, it allows them to better understand the direct impact their words and actions have on their partner. "I" Statements go hand in hand with Reflective Listening , as we discussed last week.  In fact, it should be a common statement used in Reflective Listening.   The format of "I" Statements is: "I feel______when you______because_____ ." In the first blank, you insert how you feel, such as sad, worried, angry. You are identifying your feeling, without it feeling like blame. You are taking ownership and responsibility of your own feelings. For example,

  In  Part 3  of this series on How to Manage Anxiety ,  we talked about The 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise. Drop a comment below to share how the exercise helped you or what you noticed when you tried it. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share some tips on how to manage anxiety Maybe you're in a Leadership or Executive Level and you're excelling at your job, but deep inside, every day is a battle within yourself.  Maybe you're a wife, mom, and career woman, and sometimes things just get overwhelming. Today we'll look at something you can do on a regular basis OR in the moment that anxiety strikes - Exercise/Movement. You may have heard that exercise releases endorphins, which are natural chemicals in our body that make us feel good.  Endorphins are helpful in reducing stress and anxiety, as well as strengthening feelings of positivity.  It is often considered a natural and healthy "high".  Instead of taking substances to fight your feelings of anxiety, you can

  How to Manage Anxiety - Part 3 In Part 2 of this series on How to Manage Anxiety ,  we talked about Positive Visualization. Drop a comment below to share how the exercises helped you or what you noticed when you tried them. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share some tips on how to manage anxiety, especially for those who are considered High Performers.  Maybe you're in a Leadership or Executive Level and you're excelling at your job, but deep inside, every day is a battle within yourself. Together, we'll look at some strategies you can use in the moment of anxiety, that no one else even has to be aware of.  Because, let's face it, you don't want everyone else to know just how anxious and uncertain you're feeling. The next tool is the 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise.  I know you're probably asking, "What the heck is that?" It's sort of a way we can trick our mind or distract it from the thoughts that are causing anxiety. Again, these are things

 Communication Tips for Couples #2 One of the biggest topics that bring folks to couples counseling is lack of communication.  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some basic communication tips for couples.   Today's tip is about the Time Out.  Time Outs aren't just for kids! When you and your partner are arguing and it feels like things are getting too heated, it isn't always the best idea to keep trying to resolve the issue or come to a conclusion.  Sometimes continuing the conversation does more harm than good. I recommend that, when the two of you are in a good space, that you come up with some agreements around taking a Time Out.  A Time Out is a specified period of time in which each of you disengage from the arguement or discussion, physically separate from each other, and take some time to think and cool down.  This allows each of you time time to cool down, consider your partner's position, gather your thoughts, and be prepared to come back to the discu

How to Manage Anxiety  In Part 1 of this series on How to Manage Anxiety , we talked about breathing exercises.   Drop a comment below to share how the exercises helped you or what you noticed when you tried them. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share some tips on how to manage anxiety, especially for those who are considered High Performers.  Maybe you're in a Leadership or Executive Level and you're excelling at your job, but deep inside, every day is a battle within yourself. Together, we'll look at some strategies you can use in the moment of anxiety, that no one else even has to be aware of.  Because, let's face it, you don't want everyone else to know just how anxious and uncertain you're feeling. The next tool is Positive Visualization .  I know it sounds kind of weird and "woo woo", but trust me, it works.  I had a coach teach it to me a few years back, and it was helpful. So, this is something you do prior to going into a stressful s

  How to Manage Anxiety - Part 1 Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share some tips on how to manage anxiety, especially for those who are considered High Performers.  Maybe you're in a Leadership or Executive Level and you're excelling at your job, but deep inside, every day is a battle within yourself. Together, we'll look at some strategies you can use in the moment of anxiety, that no one else even has to be aware of.  Because, let's face it, you don't want everyone else to know just how anxious and uncertain you're feeling. So, we'll start simple.  Breathing exercises. First, you'll inhale for 5 seconds, taking a nice big, deep breath.  Then you'll exhale for 5 seconds, preferably through your mouth, letting out as much air as possible.  And then you'll repeat this for about 1 minute.  If you're able to or comfortable with it, you can even close your eyes while you do this, to help minimize distractions. What you'll begin to n

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm providing a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. During the first week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-1.html During the second week, I shared Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-2.html During the third week, I shared Rule

  As a Couple's Counselor, I've been asked to help couples learn to fight fairly.  Because, hey, all couples disagree and fight, to some extent or another.  So, I wanted to share some tips on how to have fair and productive fights with your husband or wife.  Wouldn't you rather have a productive fight, instead of one where you both end up hurting each other? So I'm providing a 10 part blog series, addressing some common Rules for Fair Fighting. During the first week I shared Rule #1 -   Before your begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-1.html During the second week, I shared Rule #2 -  Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for them; own and express your feelings, respectfully. To read that post, click here: https://brittaniedmillsmft.blogspot.com/2021/10/fair-fighting-rules-for-couples-rule-2.html During the third week, I shared Rule